𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖎𝖘𝖈𝖚𝖑𝖊 𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖆𝖈 | minuscule maniac | 004

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It really is a big world with minuscule marbles
You really are a mere figment on this planet, aren't you?
While it is true, it should never,
Yell it as loud as you can- ever be the reason for your worth.

When I was a mere figment, my worth was defined,

Year by year, placing me on top an everest of expectations.

Right before I could capture it and play a part in it.

Yes, it was never on purpose for poisoning you, I could never let myself become a stranger to my self.

i did it.
i was there.
i did not know what I did at that time.
i did not know what I did was something that you would spite me for years.
i would apologize again and again, a memory that would always haunt you.
i stand here today, rocking from tip of the limestone,
it's at the peak where I fade away to 16 years ago, the day I ruined your day.
i've never earned your love till this day.

i'm always going to be here oscillating from memory to memory trying to find a way to make you happy and love me for who I am. despite the fact I will never be rid of you till the day you die, i will always love you till the day I die. at the end of the day, it was you that gave me nearly everything I needed to stay alive. 

*・゚ ✦ hiya dearies!

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*・゚ ✦ hiya dearies!

this chapter really does hit the core of my heart. this is one of the very few poems that are entirely raw. I'll deviate from the truth a bit here and there in some poems- most of the time it will be for my privacy- so don't worry, you'll still get the raw & unfiltered content that makes ephemerality, ephemerality.

I'll be honest, things got worse. I was panicking, almost went through a panic attack. Was very stressed and anxious about the world, my universe, just life in general. what's helping me is doing things that I can control, like making myself physically better. working out is helping a lot ehehhe. shoutout to my fav workout partner, blogilates! boho beautiful + anna mcnulty is da best for stretching btw (they're all on youtube!) 😘

qotd: this is going to be a personal question so feel free to skip it! what do you think of your parents? are they someone you love? ❣️ everyone makes mistakes, please don't define your parents for a singular aspect they did. I'm sure even if they've done words/actions, that they still love and appreciate you very veryyy much.  I do want to state that I know that's not the case for everyone, not everyone's parents are lovely to be around. hence, here's the truth,  if your parents are annoying, they're always going to be annoying. It is what it is. you never have to sugarcoat things with me, I promise. 💕 you do not ever have to fit into a box to 'feel' loved by them. truth? that is exhausting, I hope you've never had to do that. you deserved to be loved and appreciated for who you are. 😊💖 I remember this quote- "every child deserves a home. every home does not deserve a child" take what you will from this <3  how was this chapter? any thoughts about this poem? reaction/emoji's are always welcome :D constructive criticism is always welcome!

~ sylvia


* * * keep breathing, <3 yourself, be + always, something is always possible, stay safe & ily ;)

hope you have a wonderous day/night <3

QOTD: "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice."


(2022 © Sylvia Mahmood/aureatekey)(All rights reserved)

(2022 © Sylvia Mahmood/aureatekey)(All rights reserved)

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