Fate/Grand Shenanigans: Babylonian Blues

The Serpent Who Seeks Vengeance

Y/n was more tired than he had been in a long time, so laying upon the straw mattress of his bed in the Chaldean embassy was a fucking godsend in his opinion. While it would never beat the memory foam mattress of his bed in his quarters in Chaldea, it was still nice.

Anyway, the sun had not long crested the horizon and the small mudbrick house that Y/n had been using as his own was soon engulfed by a sweet scent from downstairs.

Y/n slowly lifted himself into a seated position and looked around. Cao Cao was asleep in the other corner of the room while Zerkerlot was in his usual sleeping position.

That being upside down, balancing on his helmet in a T-pose.

Truly, he had earned his name as the mad knight.

Y/n took another sniff at the air, he recognised the scent as butter, likely Siduri had dropped some off for him, but what caught his attention was the song being sung by Tiamat downstairs.

He listened closely to the lyrics and found that she was singing part of the introduction to the Epic of Gilgamesh.

Funnily enough, he had pristine tablets of the epic laying on his bedside table, so he read along with what Tiamat sung.

Tiamat: "Ud rēa, ud sura rēa..."

Y/n looked to the tablet and found the line she had just sung in its cuneiform state. He quickly read over the cuneiform before getting out of bed so he could listen more closely.

He walked down the hand-carved stairs and listened closely as the primordial sang.

Tiamat: "Ngi rēa, ngi bara rēa. Mu rēa mu sura rēa..."

It was one thing to read those words on a broken tablet in a museum, another entirely to read it on a pristine tablet, but to hear the primordial goddess of the sea herself, the mother of all life in Mesopotamia, singing those words. It was unlikely that Y/n would ever experience something like that in any other life. He remained quiet however and allowed Tiamat to continue her song.

Tiamat: "Ud ul ningduē pa ēaba. Ud ul ningduē mi zid duggaaba..."

Y/n tried not to disturb Tiamat as he quietly walked into the living room and took a seat at the cedar wood table.

Tiamat: "Eš kalammaka ninda šuaba. Imšurinna kalammaka ningtab akaba."

Y/n took a mental note to see if he could yoink a genuine gishgudi from somewhere, or if he could buy one at the market. Gilgamesh probably had one in his treasury, but Y/n wanted one that was all his own. As he wondered to himself, Tiamat finished the section of the epic.

Tiamat: "An kita badabaraaba. Ki anta badasuraaba. Mu namluulu baangaraaba..."

Y/n chose to remain silent for a few seconds before a Cheshire cat smirk formed on his face.

Y/n: "... HAVIN' FUN THERE!?!?"

Tiamat would forever deny the girly scream she let out and the fact that she had to take a seat to calm herself down while Y/n laughed to the point of falling off of his chair.

While Y/n continued to laugh for the next ten minutes, Tiamat tried - and failed - to beat him into unconsciousness with both her fists and, at one point, her horns.

To the onlooker, this was quite the hilarious scene to watch. However to the mad knight who had been sleeping upside down. This was his wake up call.

He thundered down the stairs armed with a minigun and was about to make sandyhook look like a fucking picnic when Heracles clotheslined him and knocked him out before pinning him with his own minigun and a massive slab of sandstone that he had helped to carry to the embassy since one of the artisans in Uruk had wanted to make carvings of Gilgamesh as he interacted with Chaldea.