Femme Empire

Kill Shot

There are days when the past leeches on to you. There are days when bad memories suck the blood out of you. There are days when the shackles of the past are stronger than the freedom of the present. Today was that day.

Happiness warred with pain. Terror mingled with joy. My stomach was in knots.

Today was March the 16th.

My Joshua's birthday.

The day when all the love and light in this world was wrapped in a crying bundle in my arms. God's greatest gift to me had come in the form of two tiny beautiful hands that would latch on to my breast, two tiny legs which would settle on my shoulders and have me carry them.

When the nurse had placed him on my lap, my first thought was wonder. Wonder and joy at how I could have created such beauty from the ugliness of his father. My second thought had been terror, abject terror. What would I do, if something happened to him?

How would I protect him?

Me, a poor divorced immigrant whose English was more Spanish than English.

How would an abused child who had seen only cruelty bring up a healthy and happy child?

The task had seemed daunting.

Absolutely impossible.

But, I had had family around me. Jules, Georgiana, Tori....the three girls who had been my greatest pillars of strength during the trials of early motherhood.

This day of his birthday always brought back a tide of painful memories. It was a reminder of the things I had endured....

Blood....

I shook my head. Now was not the time to think about all that.

I would finish my workday at the office, visit Josh and celebrate with him s bit and then drown myself in a liquor bottle with Georgiana. She would know that tonight was painful for me.

I was impatient for my work to be done.

                       __________

"Sana, you have a 9:30 with Emir.", Lola, my current assistant informed.

"I remember. The representative for Chior Modelling Agency is coming isn't he?", I asked.

"They are sending someone over to negotiate the contract. I talked with their manager yesterday.", she told me.

"Thank you, querida. Wish me luck.",I said rubbing my clammy palms on my dress.

" The Boss Lady is nervous?", she said raising an eyebrow. She was wearing Boho chic today complete with a red cloth head band tied into a knot, with parallel pants, a satin shirt and hundreds of trinkets.

She looked like my wet dream.

"This is my first job. If I can't please the boss, I will be fired. ", I said sarcastically.

" You are telling me, you've never negotiated deals before?", she asked.

"Of course I have. Hundreds. But, I went fully Armageddon there. Here I am just the lackey. Emir runs the show. God forbid if I forget and start running my mouth.", I said crossing myself at the dangerous thought.

" You are not one to mince your words.", she declared.

"I know! But, there can only be one CEO in the room. He or me and I am on vacation currently, if you haven't noticed. If both of us, become Pack Alpha, people won't know who to look to, for directions!", I exclaimed dramatically.