Malcolm in the Middle: one-shots

Malcolm's Speech

Setting: between seasons 3-4

Scene 1 Kitchen

Lois is trying to do the dishes and she notices that the drain is clogged. Malcolm is sitting at the table, studying, while Reese is sitting on the couch, eating junk food and watching MTV.

Lois: Who clogged the drain?

Reese: It wasn't me, I swear!

Malcolm (aside): Knowing Reese, he definitely did it on purpose. He loves to get out of doing chores, and honestly, I do, too. I know I'm supposed to be the responsible one because I'm smart and all, but I just can't help it. Why get your hands dirty and therefore, waste precious video game time, scrubbing off plates by hand when there are dishwashers, which do the job much quicker?

Lois: Where did I put the Drano?

Lois tries to open the cupboard under the sink, but it won't open. She pries off the child lock, but that doesn't work, either.

Lois: Why won't this open? Is there someone in there? (looks over to Malcolm and Reese) Boys?

Malcolm and Reese shake their heads in denial. Hal enters, running.

Hal: Ready or not, here I come!

He looks through every corner of the room, opening every cupboard door.

Lois: Hal, why won't this cupboard open?

Hal successfully opens the cupboard under the sink to reveal Dewey.

Dewey: Ha-ha, you found me!

Lois: Dewey, how did you get the child lock open?

Reese: It's quite easy, actually! There's a bit of space for small fingers to poke through! I used to do this all the time! Remember the incident with the mousetraps when I was seven?

Malcolm (sarcastically): Thanks for reminding me.

Lois: If only you boys knew how long I've been trying to forget...

Hal: You got me good this time, Dewey! I'll go hide somewhere now!

Lois (getting annoyed): Dewey, get out of there! I need the Drano!

Dewey closes his eyes and puts his hands over them while Hal runs through the house, trying to look for somewhere to hide.

Lois: I'm not joking, Dewey! Get out of the cupboard!

Dewey (not listening): One, two, three...

Malcolm (aside): I should have seen this coming. Whenever Mom needs something, it just always has to happen when Dewey and Dad are playing hide and seek.

Cut to Hal, who is hiding under his and Lois's bed.

Hal: Hey, Dewey! Come and find me! (looks over to the side) So that's where I put my good slippers...

Dewey comes out of the cupboard so he can look for Hal.

Dewey: I'm coming, Dad!

Lois (looking into the cupboard): I still don't see the Drano!

Malcolm (aside): ...and this always happens, too.

Intro plays. 🎵 Yes, no, maybe, I don't know, can you repeat the question? You're not the boss of me now...life is unfair.🎵

Scene 2 The boys' bedroom

Reese is sitting on his bed, looking through a magazine, not really focusing on the words, while Dewey is playing with toy cars and Malcolm is on the phone.