Malcolm in the Middle: one-shots

Valentine's Day

Setting: season 4-5

Scene 1 Assembly

Principal: Ladies and gentlemen, please rise, if you are able to, for our national anthem, which will be performed by Reese Wilkerson.

Malcolm (aside): Reese volunteered to sing "The Star-Spangled Banner" at our school awards assembly, and somehow, they let him do it, probably because no one else signed up. 

The audience members stand up.

Stevie: Do you...have...earplugs?

Malcolm: I wish. I'd probably need more than earplugs for this.

Hal: Who knows, Lois? Maybe Reese has the voice of an angel and we've just never noticed!

Lois: He's going to make a complete ass out of himself. I just know it.

Reese walks up to the microphone and adjusts it, while Dewey sits at the piano and plays the first few notes.

Reese (burping): Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early light! What so proudly we hail, at the twilight's least gleaming...

The audience laughs, except for Malcolm, Lois, and Stevie.

Stevie: I...knew...this was...a scam! It...always is...with...Reese!

Malcolm (aside): Why aren't I surprised about this? I mean, when Francis was in military school, he got in trouble for running his underwear up the flagpole and had to raise and lower the flag during the bugle calls! The only time I've ever heard Reese sing was when he sang "Jingle bells, Batman smells" a few Christmases ago!

Lois: How does it feel to be wrong, Hal?

Hal laughs loudly.

Reese (still burping): And the rocket's red glare (Dewey gives him a dirty look), the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave...

Intro plays. 🎵 Yes, no, maybe, I don't know, can you repeat the question? You're not the boss of me now...life is unfair.🎵

Scene 2 School

Malcolm is walking in the hallway, carrying textbooks for his next class.

Malcolm (aside): The school Valentine's Day dance is coming up on Friday, and I want to ask Emma Jenkins from my math class. Not only is she pretty and not too out of my league, but I don't have to play dumb around her, sneak around, deal with her being mean, or listen to her talk about makeup like I did with other girls! She went to a different middle school, so she wasn't a Krelboyne, but she has a Jeopardy! tryout coming up and she reads science journals in her spare time, so she's as smart as me, without the added baggage. Here she comes now.

Malcolm tries to approach Emma, who is at her locker.

Malcolm: Hey, Emma!

Emma: Hey, Malcolm! Did you hear about the new development in experimental robotics technology?

Malcolm (aside): That new robotics development is pretty interesting because they're making robot vacuums, but I need to go right out there and ask her to the dance. If I wait too long, she'll probably ask someone else, and I can't risk that! (to Emma) So...do you want to go to the Valentine's Day dance with me on Friday?

Emma: Actually, I have a boyfriend. You know Preston Biggs from chemistry class? I've been dating him for three years and he already asked me. Still, I like talking to you as a friend because Preston isn't really...you know.