Malcolm in the Middle: one-shots

Malcolm's Paper Route

Scene 1 Kitchen

Malcolm and Dewey are seated at the table, eating snacks. Malcolm has a bowl of chips, and Dewey has a juice box and some Handi-Snacks cheese and crackers, and he is playing with the red cheese-spreading stick. Reese enters, carrying a bug zapper that resembles a tennis racket.

Malcolm: Reese, what are you doing with that thing? (aside) Hopefully, he's not going to hit me with it, because it's a bug zapper!

Reese: You'll see.

Dewey: You're not going to hit me with it, are you?

Reese: Like I said, you'll see!

Dewey looks worried, and Reese takes a large whole chicken out of the freezer. He turns on the bug zapper, which makes a humming sound. He hits the chicken rather violently with the bug zapper, screaming when doing so.

Reese: Come on, chicken! (keeps hitting it)

Malcolm (aside): I'm not convinced that this will guarantee a perfectly cooked chicken.

Reese continues to hit the chicken, still screaming.

Dewey: Can I try it?

Reese: No! Let the professional handle it!

Malcolm and Dewey look at Reese in an unconvinced manner, and Reese goes back to shocking the chicken by hitting it. Cut to the chicken, which looks well-done and safe to eat.

Reese: And that's how you cook a chicken!

Lois enters the house, wearing her Lucky Aide uniform.

Lois: We were going to have leftovers again tonight, but it's pretty nice that you took the time to cook supper for us!

Reese: I know!

Lois: As nice as it is that you did this, how many times do I have to tell you not to use the oven when you're home alone?

Malcolm (aside): There was one time when Dewey put Marshmallow Fluff in the oven, and the smell in the house was terrible because he left it in there too long. We were this close to having to have the house fumigated again!

Lois looks on the counter and notices the bug zapper.

Lois: Why is the bug zapper next to the chicken? The window isn't even open to let any bugs in!

The boys shrug.

Intro plays: 🎵Yes, no, maybe, I don't know, can you repeat the question? You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big...life is unfair.🎵

Scene 2 Kitchen

The family is eating supper. 

Malcolm: I want to buy a telescope because there's a meteor shower coming up that I want to see up close...

Hal (interrupting): Doesn't Stevie have a telescope, and a pretty cool one, too? That thing has a  zoom lens! 

Malcolm: Yes, but I checked, and you can see the meteor shower better from our house!

Hal: But won't the trees in the yard block it?

Lois: Just invite Stevie over here and ask him to bring his!

Malcolm: He's not allowed to bring anything of his over to our place, because remember what happened when we were using his rock tumbler and Dewey put unpopped popcorn kernels in it?