Malcolm in the Middle: one-shots

Secret Santa

Scene 1 Kitchen

Reese is wearing an apron that reads "I deserve a spot on the nice list" and a pair of oven mitts. The oven makes a beeping sound, and he goes over to take out a tray of cookies that are shaped like Christmas trees.

Reese (to self): Another job well done!

Dewey enters.

Dewey: Can I have a cookie? They look good!

Reese: No! You can't have any!

Dewey: Why not?

Reese: Because they're for Santa!

Dewey: But you were the one who told me that Santa isn't real!

Reese: Oh, did I? No, wait...these cookies are going to a good cause!

Dewey: How good?

Reese: Let's just say there are some...orphans...who will be very happy this Christmas!

Dewey: Okay...(he leaves the room)

Cut to Reese, who is eating the last cookie off the tray. Only crumbs are left on the tray.

Reese: Dewey! You can come out and get a cookie now!

Dewey: What about the orphans?

Intro plays. 🎵Yes, no, maybe, I don't know, can you repeat the question? You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big...life is unfair.🎵

Scene 2 Lucky Aide

The employees, including Malcolm and Lois, are seated in the break room. Malcolm looks bored, and Lois looks annoyed. Craig enters, wearing a Santa hat and carrying a small cardboard box with slips of paper.

Craig: It's time to pick your names for Secret Santa!

Lois: Can I take a raincheck on this?

Malcolm (aside): I think I want to take a raincheck, too. I barely know any of my coworkers, and if I get Mom, I'll have to give her double the gifts because usually, me and my brothers get gifts for Mom and Dad that are from all of us.

Craig: Lois, where's your holiday spirit?

Lois is silent, but after Craig gives her a look, she reluctantly picks a slip of paper.

Lois (whispering to self): Please don't be Craig, please don't be Craig...

Craig: Did you just say what I think you said?

Cut to the piece of paper in Lois's hand that reads "Craig," she groans.

Lois: It's okay.

Craig: It's your turn now, Malcolm!

Malcolm (aside): Here goes nothing.

He puts his hand in the box, and he rummages around while looking away. He unravels his slip, and it reads "Lois."

Malcolm (aside): Just as I was dreading, but still, it could be worse. No, wait, it couldn't!

Craig: Just remember that you're only supposed to spend ten dollars on your gift, no more than that!

Malcolm (aside): What can you even get as a gift for ten dollars or less?

Scene 3 A random street

Dewey is walking down the street with his backpack on, and he notices a yard sale. He walks past, not really noticing, but then he notices a harpsichord sitting on the lawn and he walks over, playing a complicated piece.