How many people, do you think, upon discovering the world is still there after a huge natural disaster, stay in their current relationships, regardless of how bad that relationship may actually be?
But then, one would suppose, a demon doesn’t exactly picture themselves looking after a group of children as their unofficial babysitter after defying his old bosses to save the world either.
Not that Crowley would ever complain about that, don’t get him wrong. You see, these kids are special, in that they also helped save the world by taking down the Horsemen and the Devil himself.
And come on, like Crowley was actually going to take a chance with the Antichrist running around freely, doing who knows what. No way!
Better for all if he has at least one supernatural entity looking out for him, if only to observe.
“I think it’s time you told us how you met your boyfriend.” Adam announces, breaking Crowley out of his little reverie.
And then he goes and says something so profoundly human like that, if you weren’t there at the Notpocalypse, you’d swear he was just another average young man. the demon thinks, before asking, “Why do you keep calling him my boyfriend? You’ve met him before!”
Piper argues, “Because you’re breaking up with him, and that means he won’t be around anymore!”
Can’t argue with that. “Is that right?”
“So tell us! How did it happen?” Wensleydale asks, pushing up his glasses.
“And not the silly story of, ‘we’ve known each other since even before the beginning of time, and every time I saw him I fell in love with him a little bit more. So of course I defied everything and everyone because I couldn’t live without him, so we saved the world!’“ Brian clarifies.
Crowley looks up from where he’s making their afternoon snack, then says, “Alright, you know what? I will tell you that story.”
“When we’re old enough to forget we even asked.” Piper calls his bluff.
“That’s right.” Crowley doesn’t even look embarrassed.
“Please just tell us?” Wensleydale begs. “We’re all old enough to know love isn’t like what they say in stories.”
Crowley laughs, “You sure about that? None of you have ever even been in love.”
“Was there someone else before you met him?” Adam keeps asking questions, to which Crowley just laughs it off.
“Pleeeeease? After all we’ve been through to save the world, we deserve the truth!” Piper argues.
Fine, she got me. Crowley growls silently. Out loud, he says, “I was in two serious relationships, along with a bunch of ‘fraternizing’ for when that got boring.”
Hoping that’s enough for them, he notices how the children are now all staring at him. “Now what?”
“You’re the demon that invented lust, aren’t you?” Wensleydale accuses.
Crowley pauses for a second, then says without missing a beat, “No I’m not, but I spent some time with her too. Pretty sure she’s having a field day with the world right now.”
Then before they can ask more questions, he points with a kitchen knife, “Now all of you get washed up so you can have your snack.”
“You weren’t his first relationship, were you?” Piper asks a while later, after their snack was eaten and they’d decided to go for a walk. “Bet it was someone way worse than you, or weaker than you.”
“Or…” Adam picks it up. “You’ve known each other for so long to where right when you were about to go after someone else—”
“Alright alright that is enough!” Crowley orders, shutting them both up. “We’re going home right now.”
“You realized he was the one!” They all say at the same time.
“But you still haven’t told us the story of why you fell for him.” Adam whines.
This much Crowley admits, “I fell for him because he was incredible, and gorgeous, and someone I never thought would be caught dead with the likes of me.”
“So what, now that you’re breaking up, he’s pathetic, disgusting, and someone nobody would be caught dead with?“ Wensleydale asks.
Crowley shakes his head at the absurdity of the whole thing. Why me? “No, of course not.”
“Then why can’t you tell us?” Brian pleads.
“’S not something children should know about before they go through it themselves.”
“That’s just an excuse parents tell us when they don’t feel like talking about something!” Piper’s 2 for 2 on calling Crowley out today. “I’m positive if you just told us the story, you’d see that it’s so easy even we could understand it, and that you’re still in love.”
Ah, so that’s what this is all about. “Alright look, I appreciate your concerns, but really, what are you hoping will happen if I tell you the story? That I’m just going to miracle up my old feelings so we can fall back in love again? That’s impossible, and more than that, I don’t want to.”
“Maybe, maybe not.” Adam half agrees. “But that’s all the more reason you should tell us! So we can find out together!”
He’s almost tempted by their pleading eager faces, but very quickly slams the door shut on that idea.
“I said no. Case closed. And that’s all I’m going to say about it. We’re going home.”
At this, all 4 kids stop dead in their tracks.
“No we’re not!” Adam declares, making Crowley groan.
“You’re going to tell us the story!” Piper states very matter-of-factly.
“Because we have a right to know!” Wensleydale adds. “After helping you save the world, you owe us!”
It’s just as weak an argument as the first time they played that card, but at this point, Crowley’s resolve has worn down, and he doesn’t need demonic insight to know this isn’t going to stop until they get their way.
With an exaggerated sigh, he miracles up a bench and a few tree stumps to appear in the open field they’re walking next to, then sits down. “Fine. I’ll tell you the story.”
The kids cheer, and eagerly move to sit on the stumps as they wait for the demon to begin.
“But.” Crowley enunciates to get them even more intrigued. “I’m not going to tell you who my boyfriend is.”
They all shrug, but Adam’s the one to say, “Deal.”
“I’m only gonna tell this story once, so if you want to figure it out, you’ll have to pay attention.”
Piper nods, “Deal.”
“And, just to make it more interesting, I’m going to change everyone’s names. I just thought of that right this second. See how well the 4 of you work together to figure out all the clues I drop.”
Wensleydale claps, “This is going to be fun! It’s like a live action mystery!”
All of them satisfied, they lean in, ready for the long awaited story to begin.
YOU ARE READING
Absolutely Tickety-Boo
RomanceCrowley, a demonic Londonite, is in the middle of a very bad breakup when his young babysitting charges ask him about his life before helping to save the world, including how he met and fell in love with his current boyfriend. Crowley flashes back t...
