“Pleazze tell me you’re going to zzzay yes.” Bee all but demands later, after Crowley’s told them everything.
“You can’t be serious.” Crowley’s already shaking her head.
“Then what are you going to do?” Bee demands.
“The plan’s the same as it’s always been. Do what I’ve been doing since I came up here. Me and Eric have plans.”
“Which now involves a very pretty zzzex demon, do they not?” Bee asks. “And the human too.”
Crowley scoffs, “Why did I think for one moment you’d be helpful?”, then takes the wine once it’s set down. “We never should’ve used that sigil. It’s like I’ve had some sort of awakening.”
“Wait!” Piper interrupts the story. “There can be more than two people in the bed?”
Oh shit. Crowley panics for a second, before he remembers, “Course! You think everyone just uses sleeping bags on hardwood floors for sleepovers?”
There’s a pregnant pause for way too long, before Piper nods. “Works for me.”
Then Wensleydale speaks up, “So what happened with Eric?”
“Not a thing.” Crowley answers. “I was waiting for the perfect time to have him come up to Earth, and I decided to do something to prove how much he means to me.”
He’s now no longer seen as the other demons’ errand demon, and after so many unauthorized assignments, they finally let him be promoted to a regular bona fide demon.
“Alight, Crawly, let’s see how much of a demon you really are.” the head demon sneers. “There’s an Emperor. Caligula is his name. He’s throwing some sort of party, so get yourself in, and start tempting. I can’t have just any demon working on this one, Crawly. This must be a success.”
Crowley is aghast, “Wait, so I don’t have to scrounge up rotten food for you anymore?”
The head demon stops him, “We’ll see.”, then points. “Now get going. You’re already a few days behind.”
Crowley nods vigorously, then takes off in search of the assigned Emperor.
41 A.D.
What a complete waste of time. As it turned out, they’d just managed to assign him the one (well, maybe not the one, but the only one Crowley currently knows of) emperor that didn’t need to be tempted to be a horrible person. He already had that in spades all on his own.
No way is Crowley about to waste his time on someone like that, so he just reports back to Hell that the assignment was a success, and just like that, assignment done.
He even gets some scattered applause once he tells them about it as he sends in the memo, and yeah, it feels good, based on a lie or not.
But he’s got some drinking to catch up on, so he walks into somewhere that looks promising, sits down at the bar, and tells the bartender,
“What’ve you got? Give me a jug of whatever’s drinkable.”
The bartender informs him, “Jug of house brown, two sesterces.”
“Crawly-Crowley?” a voice behind him calls out, and sure enough, there’s Aziraphale, still as white robed as ever, walking up and sitting next to him at the bar. “Well! Fancy running into you here. Still a demon then?”
YOU ARE READING
Absolutely Tickety-Boo
RomanceCrowley, a demonic Londonite, is in the middle of a very bad breakup when his young babysitting charges ask him about his life before helping to save the world, including how he met and fell in love with his current boyfriend. Crowley flashes back t...
