Absolutely Tickety-Boo

Crowley Reaches the End of the Movie in Exile

The next morning, all four children are looking at the notes they'd been taking throughout the story.

But it's Adam who appears to have the answer, and goes to gather up his friends.

"Everybody got something?" Crowley asks the kids once he's rounded them up and they've all been fed, then without thinking, reaches for himself.

"No!" the kids all cry. "No eating until we start walking!"

Crowley notices the shift in mood, "Well well well. What brought on this sudden change in mood?"

"Well, we'd all been going over our notes." Wensleydale starts.

"And then Adam called us just this morning." Pepper adds.

"And we think we've figured out who your boyfriend in the story is." Adam finishes.

Crowley crosses his arms. "Oh have you?"

The kids all nod. "Yes we have."

"Well then if you're all so smart, let's stop the story right here and tell me who it is." Crowley tries to call their bluff.

But they don't go for it, with Adam saying, "Not ready to tell. Not yet."

Crowley shrugs, "Alright."

"So, the last time we left off with the demon Crowley, Serpent of Eden..." Wensleydale says dramatically.

"He just realized the one he's really in love with, Aziraphale, is in love with another angel." Brian picks it up.

Crowley feigns a gasp, "Nooooo."

"Exactly." Pepper agrees. "And in the meantime, he'd accepted an invitation to a party being thrown by his ex-girlfriend, Samarrah."

"And for the record." Adam interrupts suddenly. "If she does end up being your girlfriend, we all agree we don't want you as our babysitter anymore."

Constantinople, 1014 AD

Crowley holds up the memento of the apple from Eden he'd just summoned from his desk in Hell, a little trophy of his first successful invitation.

"He finally died not too long ago." Samarrah says behind him, making Crowley turn around as he nods.

"Figured as much."

Samarrah asks, "Did you hear?"

Crowley flaps his hands, "More or less. I take it he finally asked you to stop extending his life?"

Samarrah nods.

"And here I was thinking he'd discovered the true meaning of life." Crowley muses.

"What I'm guessing you didn't hear was him asking me to bury his body with Eve's." Samarrah informs him.

Crowley's eyes soften in sympathy. "Oh Satan, I'm sorry."

Samarrah laughs, "I'm joking. Actually, I hadn't talked to him in decades, but kept extending his life anyway, in case he changed his mind. Then he did, but it was just so I could release him. He was ready to die."

She points, "Drink?"

But Crowley's still stuck on Adam, "I really am sorry. I know you loved him, in your own fucked up way."

"You're right. I did care for him. But I don't know if I'd call it love."

Crowley hands her the apple, "Take it. Never was one for keeping mementos in Hell anyway."