“In the beginning…” Crowley starts dramatically. “Before the world as we know it today, before industrialism, before theater plays, before anything you’ve ever known, in Hell, actually, there was a dashing demon who just had his wings burnt up named Crawly. He didn’t understand it at the time, but he’d fallen head over heels in love with a fellow demon he’d met during new demon orientation. For the sake of this story, his name is…"
“Eric!” Brian suggests, and Crowley snickers before agreeing, “Alright, Eric it is.”
“Eric!” Crawly calls out to the other demon, right as the crowd of demons start counting down the opening of the gate to Earth.
Crawly wraps his arms around Eric as he tells him, “So guess who just got a job causing trouble up on Earth?”, then kisses him without answering.
It’s true, they were a perfectly demonic couple in just about every way imaginable. But to truly understand how exactly this red-haired demon ended up with the boyfriend he’s breaking up with in the present, you need to understand the demon had a very embarrassing ambition in life.
“Behold.” Crawly whispers to himself much later, where the smell is the least overpowering. “Bow to your new demonic overlord Satan, the original tempter, Crawly!”
In the present, the kids are laughing their heads off.
“You wanted to be Satan?” Piper tries and fails to say without bursting into more giggles.
“I just don’t get why you can’t cause trouble for Satan down here in Hell.” Eric whines as Crawly keeps prepping to leave for Earth. “Why must you bother taking the time to go all the way up to Eden?”
“That’s easy: because I don’t want to be down here in Hell, I want to go up to Eden.” Crawly tells him, right as Hastur walks up and says, “I can feel it, Eric. He’s going to be the one. He’s our ticket into causing evil and destruction on Earth. And I can’t believe you’re so selfless you’re actually letting him walk away from the likes of you. Have you seen the human woman She’s created? If she wasn’t a human being, I’d have no problem de—”
Crawly snaps his fingers, banishing Hastur away, but not soon enough, as Eric asks, “But doesn’t he have a point?”
“Hastur has nowhere near as many points as he thinks he does.” Crawly waves off the concern. “He’s got to be one of the dumbest demons alive, and I shudder to think what kind of angel he was like in Heaven.”
“But a whole world made in Her image? That’s bound to have some effect on you.” Eric can’t help but remind him, clearly worried.
“Who says that has to be a bad thing?” Crawly counters.
“It is if you're doing it all by yourself.” Eric replies.
“Then I won’t do it all by myself.” Crawly offers. “It’s one teeny tiny little assignment on Earth, and I’ll be back here rotting in Hell faster than you can blink. And don’t forget about the plan, either.”
“And let’s not forget that I can’t believe you trust Eric enough to be left here all by himself, in a pool of boiling sulfur surrounded by demons who would risk smiting to get their way with him.” Hastier suddenly reappears. “Which is why I have no problem admitting I’ve always had a thing for you and I—”
Another snap of the fingers, and Hastur is gone again.
Much later, as Crawly’s about to turn into a spent and slither his way up to Earth, Eric stops him.
YOU ARE READING
Absolutely Tickety-Boo
RomanceCrowley, a demonic Londonite, is in the middle of a very bad breakup when his young babysitting charges ask him about his life before helping to save the world, including how he met and fell in love with his current boyfriend. Crowley flashes back t...
