TRIGGER WARNING

apples to oranges (397 words)

An apple a day keeps the doctors away or so they say. So I started eating apples everyday.

I started eating an apple a day because I was tired of going to the doctors everyday to talk about that episode that I had the night before. I started eating an apple a day because I was tired of being told,"It's normal to feel this way sometimes". But what was normal about wishing that everytime I close my eyes I wouldn't have to open them again. I was tired of the doctor telling me the same thing every time,"These meds would make it better". But what he didn't tell me was that the meds would only numb the ache that gushed through my veins every time my heartbeats. I started eating an apple everyday but slicing into an apple reminded me too much of wanting to slice into my own skin because I needed to make sure that I could still feel anything at all. I started eating an apple a day because I was tired of confusing reality with my nightmares because my reality was a nightmare and my nightmares reminded me too much of real life for me to want to close my eyes. I started eating an apple everyday because I needed help. Help that the doctor couldn't give me. After a few week, months, years of eating an apple everyday, I stopped going to the doctors to talk about the episode I had the night before, because I didn't have an episode the night before; and the numb pain that goes through my veins when my heartbeats wasn't numb anymore. It was simply replaced by an entirely different feeling, but at least I could feel. After slicing an apple everyday for weeks, months, years I stopped remembering what it felt like to want to slice into my own skin. After eating an apple everyday for a few weeks, months, years my dreams became just dreams, my nightmares became just nightmares and I finally stopped allowing the demons that haunted them into my reality. I can finally close my eyes. After eating an apple everyday for a few weeks, months, years, I'm standing here as I do every day, cutting this apple into slices so that I can pack it in my lunchbox; and I started thinking to myself "maybe I'm more of an orange person."