TRIGGER WARNING

Every day I wake up and tell myself (237 words)

Everyday I wake up and tell myself,

"Today is the day"

The day I will finally not eat

The day where my weight loss will begin

I got to school on an empty stomach feeling so happy with myself

The feeling of hunger making my serotonin levels higher than ever

I sit through class,

I think to myself how great I'm doing.

I think of the way to get rid of my lunch so no one notices

I make it through lunch proud of the grumble in my stomach.

Its second period now and the hunger goes away

I do my work thinking consistently how if I just make it through one day

One day without food

I will finally lose the weight

The rest of the school day passed without a second thought about what I had eaten that day

I walk home,

I walk in the door and go up to my room

I see all the beautiful models on my phone who I strive to be.

I think about how close I'm getting.

"L, come for dinner!" yells my mom

"Oh shit"

I forgot about family meals

I walk down the stairs planning on taking a few bites and leaving

As the warm food enters my body I am terrified

But the more I eat

The harder it is to stop.

I eat, and eat until someone tells me I've had enough

The guilt builds up inside me as I realize what I had just done...

And that's how the cycle continues,

Day in and day out,

I can't stop.

-L