As It Was ~ l.s

10: Happy Birthday Boo Bear

Since their talk on Wednesday, Harry had been avoiding Louis whenever he could. Which meant he had banished himself to the confines of his hotel room. He'd finished two more songs and put together some of the songs he'd scrapped from HS1. Of course, the boys noticed Harry's self-isolation and were confused by it. Niall especially. As Captain of the ship, he was upset that he was just sitting by and letting it sink without doing a thing. But there wasn't much he could do. They both apologized to each other, they talked it out, and now Harry just needs some space, from all of them apparently.

Olivia and Mitch regularly update the four of them about Harry's wellbeing and mental state, giving vague responses whenever the boys ask questions.
"Is he doing okay?" Niall asked the first night he saw Olivia leaving Harry's room since the talk.
"Yeah, he's just writing, writing, writing. You know how he gets when he's in the zone." She smiled sweetly at him then waved goodbye as she headed for the elevator.
"You think he'll be ready to come out and talk to us any time soon?" Zayn and Louis asked when Mitch was walking through the lobby, just about to head home.
"Dunno. Right now he's just thinking some things over." He then smiled and waved politely as he walked out of the building.

Almost two weeks without seeing much of Harry was when he finally decided to leave his room and join the boys for their weekly group dinners in Niall's room.
"Good to see you back lad. We missed you last week." Liam placed a warm hand on Harry's shoulder.
"Thanks Li. Sorry that I've sort of shut you all out, I just needed some time to think some things over. The time alone was also a great opportunity to finish writing some things that I've been working on for a while."
Harry took a seat on the armchair by the bookshelf, choosing the seat farthest from Louis. The distance between the two men spoke volumes. Louis didn't try to interact with Harry at all. He was trying to give the younger the space he needed from him. Harry appreciated that, but he felt bad when he saw the look on Louis' face when he didn't say goodbye when he turned in early.

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Tommo, Happy Birthday to you!" He heard the boys sing through the walls.
"It's not my birthday for another hour and a half lads. Niall put that fooking carrot cake away." Louis chuckled.
Harry checked his phone, 22:34 December 23 2021.
"Fuck." He mumbled to himself, "I can't believe I just left. I can't believe I forgot his birthday. I'm such a bad friend. What is wrong with me? What the fuck happened to 'Treat People With Kindness' Harry?"
"What happened to treat yourself with kindness? Don't beat yourself up for forgetting, Harry. You've been under a lot of stress lately and you've had a lot on your mind. I'm sure he understands." Harry jumped in surprise as Zayn walked through the door. He hadn't even noticed the man open the door. "Sorry for just walking in on you like this, I was walking past and I heard you muttering to yourself."
"It's okay Z, I should probably be thanking you for checking up. I know I've been difficult lately."
"Difficult?" Zayn sat beside Harry on the bed and gave him a look, "You've never been difficult Harry. Not even when we were younger. You're so selfless and trying to put everyone else's needs before yours. It's about time you start taking time off to look after yourself."
"If I'm being honest, I'm just avoiding this whole dilemma with Lou. And even though I'm 'taking time off to look after myself', I can't stop working. I just keep writing and writing and I can't stop because if I stop I have to actually think. Think about everything that's been going on lately and I'm not sure I'm ready to be properly left alone with my thoughts."
"That's what I'm here for Harry, you're not alone with your thoughts, I'm right here with you. Talk to me buddy, what's going on?"

"Everything and nothing. Zaynie, I just don't know what to do. There's the whole album thing that needs to be done in three months, there's my third album delay, there's the movie coming out soon, there's the contract extension with Olivia. But all I seem to care about is the stupid fight between Louis and I five years ago. Since our talk, he's all I've been thinking about. Him and our separation and all the years we could have had together if I hadn't been so stubborn. And those thoughts don't really make One Direction-y songs if you know what I mean."
"So you've forgiven him then?"
"I think so? I'm not sure. I'd like to think I have, but at the same time I'm afraid that if I let myself get close to him again I'll do something that we'll both regret later and-- I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking this. Am I overthinking this? What am I doing? I should be writing, we have an album due in three months. Why am I wasting so much time? I'm wasting my time, I'm wasting your time, what is wrong with me?"
"Hey, hey," Zayn placed a gentle hand on Harry's shoulder, "slow down, breathe. You're not wasting any time Harry. You need to take a break. You need a break from writing and a break from this hotel room."
Zayn stood suddenly from his position on the bed, "Come on, we're going on an adventure."
"It's eleven o'clock Z, don't you have to be in Niall's room for Louis' birthday?"
"They'll understand. Now, come on, get up. Put on some shoes." Zayn grabbed Harry's hand and helped him stand from the bed, "And bring your songbook. Maybe some fresh air will help with your writing process."