Rekindling

Chapter 7 - Inconsistencies

This car ride must be the most awkward ever.

Nobody has spoken a word since we started on our way back from the police station to the cabin. Although Jordan and I had been chasing each other to the car – forgetting all the dreadful happenings of the past 24 hours for a bit – that little blip of untamed happiness has been very short lived. We all too quickly sobered up and wordlessly climbed into the car when Alex caught up with us.

I try to distract myself from the deafening, uncomfortable silence by watching the world pass by outside the window. It also almost helps to ignore Jordan's frantic typing on his phone screen.

Almost.

I am pretty sure that he is giving his twin an update.

I recall Josh once telling me that for him, the most awkward thing is being stuck in an elevator with strangers. Silently watching the digital floor number increase or decrease, depending on whether you are on your way up or down. Counting the remaining seconds in your head, wishing to be released from this fake prison as quickly as possible. Subconsciously holding your breath and standing stock still as if that would make you invisible, ensuring that you won't draw any unwanted attention to yourself. And then to sneeze at the most inopportune moment.

I remember how I had to laugh at Josh's very vivid description of such an awkward situation. One because of the face he pulled when he said it, and two because I could easily picture this happening to me. I am glad that I don't often have to use elevators. But on those few occasions that I do, I always think of my brother's words.

This, right now, feels just as awkward, if not worse.

I wonder if Jordan is warning him that the cat's out of the bag and that I know about his fiancé's real job. And that I am now aware that Tom, too, is involved in all that weird, shady stuff my brothers are caught up in. Because that is exactly what it feels to me: shady business.

Maybe there is a legitimate reason and a rational explanation for all this secrecy. But they have yet to come clean about everything and until I have all the facts, I will remain cautious and reserve final judgement. Everything certainly seems very fishy to me.

The phone in my pocket vibrates.

This reminds me that Will tried to call me earlier when I was running from the police station. Instantly, dread fills me. I have no idea what my brother knows. Whether anyone has told him about Sam yet. Because it has been more than a full day since the accident, I would hope he knows, but one can never be sure when it comes to Will. He likes to "go off the grid" – that's what Jack calls it when our older brother disappears for days on end without contacting any of us – so maybe nobody got hold of him yet.

I don't want to be the one to tell him.

For a few painfully slow seconds, I consider ignoring that I even own a phone. It feels almost impossible for me to check who has been calling and messaging me. Maybe it isn't Will anymore, but someone else. It could be any of my brothers – other than Aidan and Noah because there is a no-phones-rules at their sports camp during the day – or any of my friends. And I am so not ready to talk to either of them.

While I usually love to be around people and chat all day long, right now, I would prefer to find a quiet place somewhere and just hide from the world. Maybe take a long nap and wake up in a few weeks or months from now, when everything has settled down. When thinking and breathing and simply existing doesn't hurt so much anymore.

I take a shuddering breath, which unfortunately attracts Alex's attention. His eyes lands on me via the rearview mirror and it takes a lot of me to not look away but hold his gaze.