Rekindling

Chapter 17 - Goodbyes

I watch the sun slowly setting over the ocean.

A cool breeze causes me to shiver slightly and I pull my shoulders up, hoping to keep myself warm. It is mid-July and the summer nights are comfortably mild. However, sitting at the beach, one is kind of exposed to the elements, I guess.

It will only be a few more minutes until the sun meets the horizon and then the ocean will swallow it up. It is a beautiful sight, one that normally makes me happy when I get to witness it.

Tonight, however, these positive feelings are dampened.

Ever since this horrible thing happened to Sam, the sun reminds me of him. And the fact that the reception for his memorial is still in full swing certainly does not help me feel even slightly light-hearted right now.

My brothers have organized a beautiful location for us to celebrate Sam and everything he represented when he was still alive. They somehow managed to exclusively rent out this beach shack that has been a permanent fixture at our favorite beach for as long as I can remember. My family regularly visits it when we're spending a day at the ocean – or used to visit it, is probably more accurate, since we haven't been here since last summer.

The last time I have been here was last year, when my life was still normal. Boring. Average.

Being here now feels weird but at the same time also comforting, because of its familiarity. Some of my happiest memories with Sam include this part of our local beach. I assume the same goes for my siblings, since they chose to come here.

A sigh escapes me when the sun touches down on the water.

The breeze picks up again and a few lose strands of my hair whip around my face. I push them back but it is to no avail. I should probably redo my hair, but I don't want to unbraid it after Maya put so much effort into braiding Sam's old bandana into it. It doesn't feel right to change anything about that just yet.

In the background, I can hear the chatter of people and the very distant sound of music. The last time I checked, the previously pretty big crowd that gathered here for drinks and some food after the service has dispersed. Apart from my family, including the girlfriends and Tom, there are only a few others left. Maybe twenty or thirty people in total.

My friends have gone home about half an hour ago, too. That was when I decided that I needed a bit of time to myself and slipped away to sit on the beach and just stare out at the ocean. But I made sure to stay within sight as to not scare or upset my brothers unnecessarily.

So far, nobody has bothered me and I am grateful for that. They seem to understand that today has been a bit much and they allow me some space, which I appreciate.

The orange glow of the setting sun is quite mesmerizing. There are a few very small clouds in the sky and they have turned into specks of bright red, like the sun is setting them on fire. It seems as if the breeze absorbs the color and becomes warmer, too. My heartbeat picks up as I slightly lean into the imaginary, comforting hug that nature is offering me so generously.

Then I hold my breath as the sun turns into a small sliver of light just above the horizon before it completely disappears from sight.

Good night, Sam, I'll see you tomorrow.

Suddenly, I feel a presence behind me.

I don't turn around but pretend that I didn't hear anything because I would rather stay on my own for a bit longer. That doesn't seem to do the trick though. The person lowers themselves next to me and a second later, a soft fabric is being placed around my shoulder. I catch a whiff of female fragrance and immediately know who it is.