picking teams

chapter 1: janis

what's popping muppets hello and welcome to the first not oneshot story i'm doing woooo!! based on the image above ooh ahh

this will have the same upload schedule as my usual stuff (that is to say, there isn't one) so just. keep an eye out if you want to follow this and i'll update it whenever i can! the working title for this chapter was 'my suffering is eternal' so that should. tell you about what to expect. have fun with that!

also please be aware i know next to nothing about football and google was wildly unhelpful so please excuse anything that isn't. spectacularly accurate.

tw for
usage of homo/lesbophobic slurs
vague threats

enjoy!

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"I want to try out for the football team."

Damian briefly continues stirring around his half-melted frozen yogurt while he processes what his friend has just said. Once it sinks in, he snaps his head up.

"What?"

"I want to try out for the football team," Janis repeats. Damian blinks at her in confusion.

"But..."

"But what? But I'm a girl?" Janis huffs.

"You know it's not that, Jan," Damian replies gently. "But you're not exactly... athletic. Or fond of men. Or activities. Or running, or throwing, or... moving."

"I know, but my dad says I have to 'be more active' or something," Janis huffs, taking a bite of her salted caramel yogurt with M&M's on top. "And I may not be athletic, but we both know I am entirely motivated by spite. So I wanna do it."

"Why not cheer with me, though?" Damian asks.

"Do you really need to ask that?" Janis says, raising an eyebrow. Damian looks at her in confusion. "Who's your team captain, dipshit?"

"Reg- ohhhhh," Damian says as the realization finally hits. "Well, there's no need to be rude."

"I'd never make it on the cheer team even if I wanted to," Janis sighs. "And I don't. Especially not with her running the show."

"She's not so bad," Damian says weakly. Janis glares at him. "She's a good cheerleader."

"But a fucking terrible human," Janis huffs. Damian nods. "You don't have to lie to me like that, D. I go to your practices, I see how she talks to you. You don't deserve that."

"But it's nothing in comparison," Damian replies. Both of them know what he means by it, and Janis gives a weak nod.

"I guess not. But she still shouldn't talk to you that way."

"Babe, it's Regina, it's what she does. If I tried to get her to stop tormenting us we'd both be slaughtered," Damian chuckles sardonically. "But... I don't know if you'll have any more luck with the football team."

"What do you mean?" Janis asks, switching their cups of yogurt so they can have the last bite of each other's, like they always do. "It's not like I'm going for, like, quarterback or anything. I probably won't make it, and if I do I'll spend the season on the bench. Practices are active enough to make my dad happy."

"Jan, have you seen the boys on the team?" Damian says gently. "Aaron Samuels. Glenn Coco. Shane Oman."

"Aaron's not terrible," Janis replies. "Just has shit taste in women."

"Yeah, you have that in common," Damian hums. "So maybe it won't be so bad for you after all."

"Shut up," Janis grumbles. "Where are you going?"