SMELLING ROSES

Chapter Twelve

I'm gonna do it.

I fiddled with my hair tie and put my braids up.

I needed to do it.

Nothing said power like body modification. I was going to let someone jam a set of needles into my skin and permanently insert ink into my body. It would last forever. It would become a part of me. What the hell am I doing? Even Wren didn't believe me.

The tattoo shop was empty. At least, if I got it—I mean, when I got it, Da-Bin would be my tattoo artist. He and Wren messed around in the shop. Val and I flipped through the tattoo book upfront.

Tattoo pictures covered the walls and rock music blared through the speakers. I dragged my fingers across a series of small musical notes. They'd be perfect for Wren, but would be perfect for me?

"How'd you decide what to get?" I asked.

"I didn't think that hard, honestly. I just wanted to piss my mom off. I wouldn't recommend doing that. Meeting Da-Bin saved how much I would've ended up hating my tat."

That's exactly what I didn't want. Why go through all this torture for something I'd end up hating years later? "I don't want to get anything that isn't worth the pain." Or remembering. I couldn't even post pictures online because my life was so boring. How was I going to get a tattoo?

"If you're worried about the pain, it's not as bad as you think. I mean, it hurts, but our fear of pain is more damaging than the pain itself. We tend to underestimate how much pain we can endure. You never know how much you can withstand until you go through it."

Great. Another salesman. Wren and Val could sweet talk a nun into hell if they really tried. They practically were with me.

"And there's only one way to find out," she wiggled her eyebrows and pulled me to Da-Bin.

He cleaned up his station, looking up from the tattoo gun. My knees went weak. I could practically feel the needle grinding into my skin. "I need a good reason to get one," I said.

"I didn't." Val placed her hands on her hips. "It's just a tattoo—"

"Wait?" Wren swiveled around from the mirror. "You're really gonna do it?"

"Yes." Why do I keep lying? I was still deciding, but the way he looked at me made me want to do it. I couldn't be predictable my entire life. I wanted my power back. In order to do that, I needed to break expectations, then maybe I'd finally start living.

Val squealed, pushing me down into the chair. My mouth went dry as Da-Bin rolled his stool to the table. Was I really about to do this?

"Val, stop. She's not ready. She looks like she's gonna throw up." Wren grabbed a hold of my arm. Val did the same. They pulled me back and forth like a rag doll.

"You're a bad influence," Wren chided.

"That would insinuate she can't make decisions for herself." Val was right. She took the words right out of my mouth.

"I know she can. She just doesn't want to do it. Look at her?"

"Confirmation bias!" Val threw her hands in the air and released me.

Wren fell back, letting go. "Con-confirmation? Here you go again. I'm not a psychology—"

"Are they always like this?" I asked Da-Bin. Val and Wren bickered like Zacari and Nadia.

"You'll get used to it. Now, you know why I'm always quiet. They always want me to pick sides."

At his statement, Wren whirled around. "Da-Bin, tell her, she's being ridiculous!"