to fall or not to fall

rude and mean and weird

i usually do not talk a lot. i am mostly by myself. i have heard people say i'm rude and mean and weird because i don't hang out with others.

thing is, i'm not.

i am crappy at socializing. i assume it's because i used to think i am not good enough compared to the people around me. it hurts to admit but it's true.

i am constantly seeking validation from people i consider friends, and i made people's opinions have an effect on my life.

now, things are a bit different.
i don't care about what anyone has to say about me. i hardly feel things anymore.

i used to spend all my time wallowing in self - pity and hating my mind for over thinking stuff.

i still do, but in a different way. it's complicated. i stopped caring not because i wanted to or because i got better.. i'm just tired of caring.

tired of everything.

living in my head is exhausting.