just give me a reason | f. torres

Epilogue

Ohh I wanna fall in love again but this time but this time with no regrets. I wanna give it all again but this time but this time with no secrets. I don't want just anyone, not anyone new. I wanna fall in love again with you, with you, with you. I wanna fall in love again with you, with you.

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F E R N A N D O

I wiped the tears from my cheeks as I finished reading the last sentence of the very last letter Valeriya would ever send to me. I bit my lower lip to stop it from trembling as I put the letter between the pages of a book, where the others already rested.

My heart ached and all I really wanted to do was to break down on the floor and cry, but I couldn't. Olalla was downstairs with Leo and I didn't want her wondering about my wellbeing. She was already suspicious enough.

I sighed and curled up into a ball where I laid resting on mine and Olalla's king sized bed. I missed Valeriya, I really did, and I would be lying if I said that I didn't. And everything that she had written about in her letters was true, I used to love her more than Olalla, I still did... but I had my children to think about, Nora and Leo, they are my world and they deserve to grow up with both their parents.

As I felt my eyes tear up again, I pulled out my phone and dialed the familiar number to the only person whom I was able to talk to right now.

***

"Hola," a husky and familiar voice answered and I smiled sadly.

"Hola padre," I said, clearing my throat.

"Nando, my hijo, how are you doing son? How is Italy?" he asked and his voice was so full of joy that I felt bad for being the one to ruin it.

"Italy is fine, me? Not so much," I whispered with a broken voice, how could I ever be fine without her?

"What is it Nando? Talk to me son," my father said and I could hear the worry in his voice.

"Padre.. I have a problem, a very big problem. Promise you won't judge me?"

"I would never judge hijo, no matter what," he said reassuringly, and his voice brought me the sensation of being safe, being home, as it always has done.

"Okay, I'm in love with a woman, who isn't Olalla... I met her years ago, when I first came to London. Olalla and I had just had a fight so I decided to go out to clear my head. I came across this pub at the corner of an empty street, and without even knowing it, my feet walked in. My one desire was to drink my sorrows away, you see Olalla and I had fought a lot since I had announced that I was leaving Liverpool for Chelsea. But when I walked in, fate decided to change my plans, because there, I met her; a Russian beauty by the name Valeriya Constantinovna Karlova. We drank together that night, and many of the following nights, exchanging our life stories and cracking some jokes once in a while. It was all so innocent at first dad," I said and smiled sadly at the memories that I and Valeriya had shared at that pub.

"Eventually we grew closer so we exchanged numbers and started to hang out on other places than that pub. I really enjoyed spending time with Valeriya, since it was a nice break from my sad excuse to a life. But what started as an innocent friendship sooner rather than later led to something more... we slowly developed an affair... yes she was my mistress, but eventually that also led to something else; something called love. I never planned to fall in love with her, padre!"

"It just happened! I mean I had two kids to think about, I never planned this, and I never wanted this! I loved her, and she loved me, and the only thing that kept me from leaving Olalla was our children. So that's why we kept our relationship a secret, only two or three people knew about it. Our relationship lasted for a little over three years, and then I moved here to Milan."