just give me a reason | f. torres

Reason 7

It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on. It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long. It's like we never happened, was it just a lie? If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

—-

101014

Dear Nando,

I see pictures of you almost every single day, in the papers, on Instagram, Twitter and so on. Those social networks destroy my life. I have considered unfollowing you more than once, but something in my body doesn't allow me to do so. I strongly believe that it's my heart that does so, since I still love you deeply, and I know you do too. Or maybe you don't anymore, but once up on a time you did, and all I really want to do is to think that you still feel something for me, that all of your feelings haven't died out.

So reason seven to why you should have stayed is simply because you loved me. Once up on a time you did, I loved you and you loved me back, that was right before you left. Do you remember? How you told me that you truly loved me, and that all I had to do was to give you a reason to stay. I shouldn't have had to give you a reason when you loved me Nando, that should have been enough. But maybe your love for me wasn't a strong as I thought it was, as strong as mine was, is, for you.

Because on every single picture I see of you, you're smiling, you look happy. And it hurts; it hurts so damn much to know that you are happy when I'm not, that you've moved on when I haven't. I mean, if you really loved me, how can you be fine right now? I'm everything but fine, I'm trying to, I really do, but it's hard it's too hard.

Cesar is helping me a lot, even though he doesn't know about it. Sometimes I wish that I could tell him everything about you, us, but for now I will keep keeping it a secret, because that's all that I have left that I share with you, this secret. It keeps me tied to you in a certain way.

It's not that I don't want you to be happy Nando, trust me I want nothing else than to see you happy, because you deserve it. It's just that it's hard to see you happy when I'm so broken, I want to be happy as well, but I can't, not when you're miles away from me.

You know, I want to stop loving you; I really do, because all it gives me is pain. But I can't stop loving you, because what we had was real, and something real doesn't just disappear in a mere second, no this will stay with me for a long time Nando.

But if what we had was real, how can you be fine? I don't think you are Nando, I think you still love me too, so come back to me Nando, come back to me because you still love me.

Love, always, Le

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I'm not satisfied with this chapter to be completely honest, but whatever I tried edit it time after time and this is it, this is the best I could do with this chapter.

Just a couple chapters left and this book is over, it's sick :(

This chapter i dedicated to every single one of you who votes and comments on every single chapter, I love you guys, you make my days xx Liza