just give me a reason | f. torres

Reason 1

"Tonight we're fading fast, I just wanna make this last. If I could say the things that I want to say, I'd find a way to make you stay, I'd never let you get away."

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040914

Dear Nando,

It's been a week, a whole ёбаный (YO-ba-neey -> fucking) week without you, a week full of suffering and pain. A week without waking up with your arms around me, protecting me, kissing me good morning as we welcome the first ray of sunlight, first a kiss on my right shoulder, then on my neck, my jaw, the corner of my lips, before finally placing your perfect lips on mine. A week without secret calls, texts, meet ups. I miss it, I miss you Nando, I miss you terribly.

It's been a week, a whole ёбаный week since you left. Since you left Chelsea, Premier League, England and me, for AC Milan, Serie A, Italy and your wife. When I put it like that I kind of understand why you left. It was a fresh start for you, a chance to start over and leave all the bad things behind, leave me behind.

But I know that you would have stayed, you would have stayed with me, if I only hadn't been such a су́ка (SOO-ka -> bitch) to you. If I had only given you one god damn reason for you to stay, but I didn't, I just stood there like a mute. And let me tell you something Nando, I hate myself for it, I despise myself for it, because if I had just said something, you would have stayed. You would still have been with me, here in England, instead of with your wife, in Italy.

So now I'm gonna do all I couldn't do when you asked me to, I'm gonna give you, not one, but ten reasons to why you should have stayed.

Reason one, because you simply wanted to. Don't even try to deny it Nando, you wanted to stay, as much I wanted you to stay. You said it yourself, that if it wasn't for your children, you would have left Olalla a long time ago. So that's a completely understandable reason to stay, because you wanted to, and you would have been happier if you had done what you wanted instead of doing what everyone else wanted.

Besides Mou said he didn't plan to lend you out, but that it was your own decision, that he couldn't say no when a player came up and asked him straight to his face if they could be lent out. So why did you ask to leave Nando? Everyone who knew about us two also knew that you would have been happier on a personal level if you had stayed. Because when you left, we knew you would leave a part of yourself behind, that part who really really wanted to stay in England.

So why Nando? Why didn't you stay, when you knew that you wanted to? Was it just because I didn't give you a reason? Why did I have to tell you something that you already knew? That you wanted to stay here, because of me and because of English football.

Love, always, Le

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Dedicated to Alina because she is bae and I love her and her stories, she is a really amazing writer and a fantastic person so I really think you should check her stories out.

The chapters might be a bit messy but that's because Valeriya is really emotional and doesn't really know what to write hahah.

Thank you for reading ily all xx Liza