just give me a reason | f. torres

Reason 10

"I'm sorry if I say, "I need you." but I don't care, I'm not scared of love. 'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker. Is that so wrong? Is it so wrong, that you make me strong?"

—-

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Dear Nando,

Another month has passed by...  I told myself to write this last letter as soon as possible, but I just couldn't, because that would mean that I would lose my last tie to you, it would mean that I would no longer have a reason to hold on to you. But I had to write to you, now that it's confirmed that your move to Milan will be permanent. Damn you Nando, I still had hopes for you to come back, but I guess this only confirms that you have finally moved on from me... I really wish that I could say the same thing.

This is the tenth and final letter that I'll be writing to you. You're probably thinking, "oh thank god for that", right now. And I can't blame you, no I understand you, it can't be easy hiding these letters from your wife, lying about them, lying about me, as you have always done. I've been your biggest secret, the sweetest temptation you ever gave into, do you regret it Nando? Because I certainly don't.

So what is the tenth reason you may ask, well I'll tell you now Nando and I'll only tell it once. The tenth reason to why you should have stayed, the final and most important reason to why you should have stayed is; because I need you.

It's a simple as that. I need you Nando, I need you to keep me sane, I need you to keep me from punching someone, I need you to keep both of my feet on the ground. I need you as friend, as my lover, as someone I can turn to when life gets sour. But most of all I need you as a motivation for life. I need you so that I can keep living, see the good things in life and not only the bad.

These past months have been horrible for me. I've not been myself; I've seen red at every tiny insult. I've slowly turned to someone who I can't recognize as me.

I need you Nando, I need you more than I love you, and I love you with all I am. I would give my life for you Nando, that's how much I love you. But I still need you more than I love you, so you can only guess how much I need you.

I've needed you since the first day I met you, since the first time we talked. Since the first time you took me out, since the first time you kissed me. I've needed you since the first time we slept together, since the first time you told me that you loved me. I've needed you since the first time I met your teammates, since the first time I went to one of your games'. I've needed you since every single "first" we've had. And I still need you Nando, I still do.

Because you keep me sane, you keep me, me and you keep me happy and safe. I love you Nando, I truly do, but I need you more than I love you.

And I know that this is my last letter, that it's probably too late already. But I needed you to know Nando, I needed you to know all the things I couldn't say when you wanted me to. I don't care that it's too late to change the past; no all I care about is you. And now that you know why I needed and wanted you to stay, I might be able to move on.

But I don't think so, at least not yet. It will take time, but right now time is the only thing I've got. I've grown closer to Cesar and I have actually told him everything and he's helping me to move on, he actually is. Don't worry he won't tell anyone, he's much like you in that way, he is good at keeping secrets. I think he's good for me, because I have finally gotten a friend that isn't you Nando. And he makes me see the good things in life again, but he isn't you Nando, and I still love you and I still need you. That will never change.

Love, always, Le 

—-

So that's it... that's the last chapter of Just Give Me A Reason. Damn I'm sad, but I'm also proud over myself for actually finishing a story since my speciality is having Writers Block for weeks.

But I actually finished this one, or almost, there is still and epilogue to come but I don't know when since my final exams are coming up, but in exactly two weeks I'll be free. Hopefully the epilogue will come before that though.

I just came back from Barcelona :( it was the best trip ever and now we're Champions as well!!

This is dedicated to Kiri because she is super sweet and mi amiga xx Liza