Broken souls

- Chapter 1 -

Having anxiety attacks sucks.
Having an anxiety attack on your first day at your new school sucks even more.

That's the exact reason, why I'm hiding behind the school in a dark corner right now.

I'm desperately trying to get my breathing under control, because I'm expected to get to class in seven minutes and I still have to figure out where my stupid classroom is.
In all honesty, that's probably the reason why I got an anxiety attack in the first place.

I mean how is anyone supposed to meet tons of new people, figure out where we have to go and also make a good impression, all at the same time?

I always had some issues with making friends.
It's just not as easy for me, as for others.
People don't tend to like me much.

But simply thinking about everything I have to pay attention to, is making my anxiety rise from second to second.
I hate having to overthink everything, all the time. Like brain, just give me a damn minute of peace.
I'm trying here.

Anyway, I have to get this under control right now, because arriving late for class and having then thirty pairs of eyes stare at me is not an option. I would simply die.

I try to focus on five things I can see to distract myself and slow my breaths down.
I once read an article, which talked about how this would help you to regain a calm breathing pattern, while having panic attacks or anxiety attacks.

So five things I can see:
My black converse.
The dark grey brick walls of the school.
Some used cigarettes on the ground.
The sky with dark clouds, that block out all the sunlight.
And a guy leaning against a tree opposite of me, smoking a cigarette.

Wait hold on.
A guy? Shit. Was he witnessing my anxiety attack the whole time?
Great.
Way to make a first impression.

Deciding to not waste any more time, I grab my backpack and give him a tiny awkward wave.
Having him witnessed my little moment, makes me embarrassed.

I try to remind myself that mental issues and anxiety attacks are human and that there is nothing embarrassing about them, but I hate people seeing my weaknesses.

His eyes don't leave me for the entire time I walk to the door and even when I turn around the corner, I can still feel his eyes burning holes into my back.