Broken Pencils

Cold Summers

May 3

Why is it that when things are supposed to feel happy, they always seem gloomy? What is it about the warmth that makes everything feel so cold?

I guess that in a sense, the absence of something leads to the absence of its opposite.

That is, if you never feel sad, you never truly feel happy either. Overtime, you'll forget what both emotions feel like.

I guess, in a sense, the happiness that I always wish that I had in life is pointless, because if I only have happiness, I don't have happiness at all.

~~~

It was completely dark in Anne's room. The only light came from the night sky, partially obscured by clouds. Still, the moon shone bright through the window, enough for Marcy to see the outlines of objects scattered about the room.

Marcy wasn't quite sure what time it was; they had been laying wide awake for what seemed like hours, but in reality, it could've been mere minutes. Based on Anne's breathing patterns, she was probably awake as well.

They closed their eyes, feeling the material of the strangely comfortable cot-like thing that Anne's parents had set up for them. Anne had insisted that Marcy sleep in her bed, and she could sleep on the floor, but Marcy refused. They weren't going to kick Anne out of her bed just because they were having a crummy day.

Marcy sighed quietly. They were content for now.

They laid there in the silence for another millennium, until Anne finally spoke.

"Are you still awake?" Her voice was soft and gentle, laced with exhaustion and curiosity. Marcy allowed themself to look at Anne. Vaguely, they could see a small smile placed on her lips.

"Yeah," they finally said. "I have a hard time falling asleep sometimes." Marcy sat up, giving up on any attempt to fall asleep.

"Same here," Anne replied, following suit.

The two gays gazed at each other softly in the dark of the quiet room, no sound to be heard, except for Marcy's incredibly loud heartbeat.

Nothing else was said for another minute or so.

"Can I ask you a question?" Anne asked, breaking the silence once again.

"Go ahead," Marcy responded, desperate for something to save them from the boredom that was rotting their brain.

"God, this is really awkward actually, um..." Anne paused. "I don't really know how to phrase this... I mean, I do, but I don't think I want to."

Marcy tilted their head slightly in confusion. What was Anne trying to say?

The clouds drifted away, the moon shone brighter in the room, and Marcy could see a indiscreetly placed blush across Anne's face.

Oh.

Anne stood up and sat next to Marcy, breathing shakily.

"I... um..." Anne started, but didn't ever finish. She took a deep breath.

Marcy had no time to react. One moment they were sitting next to Anne, and next thing they knew, Anne's lips were pressed against their own.

It lasted less than a second, but felt like a whole lifetime

Anne's eyes widened. "Marcy I'm so sorry I should've asked but instead I just kissed you and I know that you have a girlfriend but I kissed you anyway oh god what's wrong with me I just can't think straight I'm actually an idiot I-" Anne was stopped when their lips met again.