Ambivalently Yours

Getting It Together... Sort Of

Rafe was confused.

After the kiss at his apartment, he'd endured radio silence from you all weekend. You weren't replying to any conversations in the group chat, you hadn't made any posts on social media, and even though Liz had her group over to work on their project, you hadn't shown up at his door looking for peace and quiet.

He wondered if he'd made a mistake. Sure, you had kissed him back, but you definitely weren't sober. What he thought he'd initially interpreted as reciprocated feelings was slowly starting to look like a drunken mishap on your part. While he didn't expect you to proclaim your undying love for him, he had assumed you might want to talk about what happened.

His gut is filled with dread as he walks into speech and debate on Monday. Your car had already been parked and abandoned by the time he and Kelce had pulled into the parking garage this morning, so he hadn't even had a chance to catch a glimpse of you before now.

You were there already, of course, sat in your usual spot, texting on your phone as he enters the room. As if you can sense his presence, you pause and turn around to look up at the door. At first, he's unsure if he should sit behind you like he's done the last few times, but his feet carry him to the desk behind yours and he sits before he can talk himself out of it.

"Hey," he says, sliding his backpack off his shoulder.

"Hey," you reply. You look back down to finish your text, then turn your screen off and lay the phone on your desk.

"Um, how was the rest of your weekend?" he asks, cringing inwardly at how dumb he sounds.

"Uh, good. I got caught up on some reading for my other classes. Studied a little for midterms," you answer.

"Cool," he says awkwardly.

"Yeah. Um, how was yours?"

"The same. Did some reading, studied a little," he responds. He hates how uncomfortable everything feels.

You nod, not knowing what else to say. You feel awkward and at a loss for words. You'd spent every free moment over the weekend replaying that kiss in your mind. It was nothing short of perfect, but now, being a foot away from the boy who occupied every corner of your brain, you wondered if it only happened out of drunkenness.

Luckily, Professor McCuskey comes in and starts class just a few moments later, so you have something to keep your attention focused on besides Rafe. You throw all your effort into listening to the lecture, but your concentration breaks when she mentions the midterm paper and presentation due next week.

"Presentations will start Monday. Remember that your papers must be submitted online by 11:59 pm Sunday night. I'll send out a schedule later this week of who is presenting on what day. My goal is to get all the presentations squeezed in by the end of class on Wednesday so I can give you the afternoon off on Friday," she says. "Any questions?" She looks around at everyone in the class. "Okay, if we're good, then I'll see everyone Wednesday. Have a good afternoon!"

You gather your things and stand up. Is it safe to assume you're still walking back to your car with Rafe, or should you just go? When he stands up and looks at you expectantly, you have your answer.

"So, uh, fun party on Friday, right?" he asks as the two of you walk out of the building together.

"Yeah. Interesting," you reply.

"Right. Interesting," he says. He sighs inwardly. He'd never call himself a ladies man (ew), but he'd never really had trouble talking to girls before. Somehow, this was different. He felt like he'd just had his first kiss ever, and he didn't know how to proceed.