sunkissed

eighteen

HII!! hope ur all doing great!!!

ENJOY!!!

it's the next day, around late afternoon, and my flight is leaving tomorrow at 8am. i'm locked up in my bedroom, beginning to pack my clothes while ricky is sitting outside.

the storm is pretty much passing through now. i peek out the window and see a small ray of sunshine. i continue to fold my clothes, putting them into a spot in my suitcase.

when my phone starts ringing, i stop and pick it up, answering the call.

"hey ash.", i greet, propping my phone up on the dresser while i continue packing.

"hey...how're you holding up?", she asks.

i shrug, "i'm fine...i guess. how's ej?"

she nods, "he's getting an x-ray right now..."

"is he conscious?"

she lets out a sigh, "it's weird you know? it's like off and on. but when he's conscious he's super delirious and out of it.

"well as soon as i get home tomorrow im coming straight to the hospital. have paparazzi shown up at all?"

ashlyn rolls her eyes a little, "yes and it's so annoying. there's so many things on social media too."

i shake my head, "ignore it."

"anyway...what're you up too?", she asks.

"packing. a lot of it.", i chuckle, lowering my head a little.

even though i can laugh and smile now, my heart's still hurting on the inside. it's like it's been torn out of my chest and it's just an open and bleeding hole.

"are you sure you're okay neens?", she asks again with a little concern.

i pick my phone up and sit down on my bed. i bite on my lower lip, unsure.

"i-i don't know anymore...to be honest.", i sigh, "he keeps telling me that he can explain it but—but it's like i don't even know if i wanna hear it, you know? but it's like i also want to hear it because then maybe we could go back to how it was and...all would be good again."

she nods her head, understanding, "do you still love him?"

i go silent for a moment, seeming to ponder the question. my eyes wander around the room, finally ending back on my phone screen.

"i hate myself for saying it but...yeah, yeah i do. and i don't understand how or why because he's broken my heart twice now but—love is weird like that."

ashlyn chuckles, "yeah...it sure is. but when you get home, there's gonna be a ton of wedding planning you're helping me with. so you'll be fully distracted. plus...you'll have you're work back."

i force a small smile at her, "okay that sounds good. i'll see you soon."

she smiles and i exit the call, standing back up. i look out the big window wall, seeing how the waves are finally calming down and the skies are turning less gray. rays of sunshine are making their way through the few light gray clouds that are left.

i slide the door open and step out onto the small deck. i feel a cool breeze flowing against my skin. i look around, seeing tree limbs blown everywhere. i walk down the steps and step into the soft sand. i begin walking down the beach, heading towards the water. i shield my face from the bright sun, finally stepping into the refreshing ocean water.

i let out a sigh, taking in the view one last time. i stare out at the horizon while my memories seem to flood through my head.

eating at the diner with ricky.

going shopping with ricky.

him buying me my new favorite dress.

swimming with sharks.

kissing him...

making brownies with him...

dancing with him in the kitchen...

"it's pretty isn't it?"

i jerk my head and look beside me to see the boy standing next to me. i awkwardly brush my hair out of my face.

i clear my throat, "uh- yeah...yeah it is."

awkward silence fills the space and i keep my eyes ahead of me, though i see him in my peripheral vision.

"what time is your flight tomorrow?", he asks.

"8 in the morning.", i respond to which he nods his head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my alarm begins to obnoxiously ring and i groan, swinging my hand out and slapping my phone screen until the sound stops.

i pull the covers off of me and get up, stumbling into my bathroom. i turn the bright light on, removing the hair tie from my bun, letting my hair fall.

i brush it and then pull it back again while i get ready. i don't put make-up on, considering i'm going to be sitting on a plane for hours.

when i finish in the bathroom, i throw on a hoodie and leggings, slipping sandals on. i check the time, seeing that i have to head to the airport in 10 minutes. i pack away my last minute things before rolling my suitcase out of the bedroom and into the living room.

i see ricky standing in the kitchen, watching tv. he looks over at me and i force a awkward smile. i begin walking into the kitchen with my head down, trying to avoid eye contact.

"i made this for you.", he says and i look up.

he's hands me a cup and i look at him before taking a sip.

i smile a little, "an espresso...thank you."

he nods and i walk back over to my bags, putting my backpack strap over my shoulder and grasping the suitcase handle.

"let me help.", ricky mentions, coming up to me and taking the suitcase.

i watch him walk towards the door, opening it and walking down the steps. i follow him out the door, shutting it behind me.

i place my backpack on the back of the golf cart with my suitcase before getting in the passenger seat.

he begins driving along the boardwalk, heading for the airport.

we arrive about five minutes later and he parks at the front. i get out, putting my backpack on and dragging my suitcase off.

i look back at him and let out a sigh.

i clear my throat, "um...thanks for...thanks for everything."

he slightly nods his head and i turn around, beginning to walk to the entrance doors. when the automatic doors slide open, i glance back at ricky to see him standing by his golf cart, hands in his pockets, as he just stares at me with a numb expression.

i lick my lips, shaking my head a little and turning around. i walk into the crowded airport, heading to the check in.

and so the journey home begins.