sunkissed

twenty one

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i stare at the bed that ej's lying on. everything is so silent, it makes me want to go insane. my thoughts are going to make me go insane.

the door opens up and i stand, seeing the doctor walk back through the door.

"okay so we've scheduled another mri scan for him...since the force was so hard. it'll happen tomorrow morning.", he explains, "and we have medication that can wake him."

i bite my lip while nodding my head, "thank you."

"let us know if you need anything.", he says before exiting the room.

i nod and sit back down on the couch, twiddling with my thumbs. with all the silence, i seem to be drowning in my thoughts and feelings.

i feel my bottom lip quivering and a tear falls down my face. i wrap my arms around myself and let my tears spill out.

as heartbroken as i am over ricky, i just want a hug from him. i hate myself for still loving him and i hate myself for not letting him go fully.

i wipe my eyes in attempt to clear up my vision. i see movement in front of me and i jump up. i see ej moving around and i walk next to the bed.

"eej?", i quietly say.

he clears his throat, opening his eyes and looking at me, "oh...hi nini."

i let out a small breath of relief and smile, "hey, how're you feeling? you need to take your pain meds."

he nods his head and i grab the container, shaking out a pill and filling up a cup of water. i hand it to him and he swallows the pill.

"you have an mri tomorrow morning.", i inform him, "how are you feeling?"

"i'm okay. feeling a little dizzy but good."

"we've all been worried about you...you've been out for a long time.", i slightly chuckle.

"i am...a okay.", he says, holding up the 'ok' sign with his hands.

i chuckle, "i love ya eej."

"i love you nini panini.", he laughs.

it feels good to hear his laugh again. it makes my heart feel better and it makes me relieved.

"are you hungry or anything?", i ask, "they stocked the mini fridge."

"with good food?", he questions, a little suspicious.

i walk over to the counter and crouch down, opening the fridge.

"looks like...applesauce, pudding, they have a frozen meal in here."

"what kind is it?"

"pasta with alfredo sauce. do you want it?", i ask, standing up right.

he nods his head and i grab it, heating it up in the microwave. i grab a plastic fork and set the meal on the wooden platter attached to his bed.

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it's around 7am and i didn't sleep at all last night. my eyes are heavy but i didn't dare to shut them.

ej is also half awake right now, which is relieving . i hear a knock on the door and doctor marten comes inside.

"good morning.", he greets.

"morning."

"do you mind if i talk to you before the mri?", he asks me and i shake my head.