Sanctuary Reviews

The Gunner and the Florist by Crystal Callistral

The Gunner and the Florist

By 

I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this story. I feel like it was written for me directly. It reminds me a lot of Cowboy Bebop and Doctor Who but with a steampunk twist.

London is cracking under a violent war between two factions, the Veritas Aser and the Crimson Syndicate. Like Pentover and Zaun in Arcane, one represents the wealthy upper class and the other represents the city's underbelly, and they're both fighting for dominion over the city. Lennox, a florist, is caught in the middle of it all, trying to run his parent's floral shop while they neglect him to indulge in an aristocratic lifestyle that they can't afford. Ren works for the Crimson Syndicate as a fighter who embarks on dangerous missions to please the Syndicate leader. Both characters struggle with a conflict of not being considered to be good enough by their peers, and they must decide where to step up to the plate or reject the organizations they were forced into and find their own places as individuals. Lennox can't live up to his parent's expectations no matter how hard he tries, and Ren's increasingly violent and dangerous missions are never enough to satisfy the greed of the Crimson Syndicate. I really like how well their conflicts tie together.

You use such great descriptions that accomplish environmental exposition and characterization at the same time. "Fiery red hair, fatigues, combat boots, a few guns, and gold-rimmed goggles set atop his head. Definitely one of the Crimson Syndicate's machinists." I truly loved Ren's introduction in his chapter: The first lethal shot is shocking. Perhaps it's the ominous bang the weapon makes or the clatter of an empty bullet cartridge falling to the dusty, barren ground. Maybe it's the rush of air, the electric racing of the heart. But no matter what, the euphonious melody of death's longing embrace is Ren Ryker's sweet, twisted reality. Your character descriptions and your world-building are easily the strongest aspects of your writing.

Your prose uses passive voice sometimes in a way that could be improved by switching to active voice instead. Take this, for example: "He was swarmed by high-class ladies from all ages with various tastes in fashion" vs. "High-class ladies swarmed him..." or "A tarnished little greenhouse could be seen from a mile away" vs. He could see the tarnished little greenhouse about a mile away." It's always best in fiction, especially science fiction where things tend to have a high amount of energy, to keep things in the active voice. Sometimes your prose uses too many ly adverbs. Take this for example: "Lennox exhaled heavily and reluctantly breathed in the smells of war." vs. "Lennox exhaled and breathed in the smells of war" or just "Lennox breathed in the smells of war, angst, and black coffee." 'Invading his senses" is repetitive of "breathed in the smells" so that can be cut too.

This is a very unique story that I enjoyed thoroughly. It's my kind of genre and it's executed well. I loved the character work the most and I found the world-building to be an absolute treat. I hope my notes were helpful.

See you, space cowboy.