Sanctuary Reviews

"The Devil's Heir" by xxsoteria

"The Devil's Heir" by xxsoteria follows seven candidates as they vie for the title of Devil's Heir, to become the supreme ruler of Hell.

The cover image is difficult to make out in the background. Perhaps adjusting brightness and contrast would help to make the contours of the demon more visible. I like the large metallic font for the title. It is stylized but also legible. The title itself is relevant to the plot. The author's name and the tagline are also clear and legible.

The blurb describes the plot of the story in a concise manner. I like that the Devil King's character and role are described and I also liked that we are introduced to the concept of the overlords and archdemons. The seven candidates and the fight to become the devil's heir seem to be the core of the story, but they are not addressed in the blurb. As the story's main conflict, it should be at the forefront of the blurb. 

In the five chapters I read, it was difficult to get a grasp of the characters except for the Overlords Deria and Astiros. Deria seems quite cruel while Astiros seems to be kinder (for an archdemon, that is). Though we see each of the seven experience their individual punishments to signal they are to be the contestants in the trial, we don't get to know them well as characters. This makes sense for most of them, as they are babies, though there could be more characterisation for the older ones as well as the Devil King. He seems to be an important character, yet we don't get to see much about him interacting in the world, or with other characters when he is introduced in chapter one. I was also a bit unclear on the roles of the archdemons as overlords. I was confused by the woman giving birth in chapter two being referred to as an overlord, and then another couple being overlords in chapter four. It wasn't clear that there are distinct rulers of each court. I had assumed the demon the court was named for, such as Lucifer or Beelzebub would be the rulers of the court, so I was thrown off a bit. Though it did become a bit clearer as I went along.

I like the overall concept of the trials to become the devil's heir and how each contestant is signaled by a form of punishment. However, I was a bit unclear on why they were being punished, as some were only babies. An initial trial to test strength or fortitude makes sense, however, punishment generally implies there was an action or behaviour that is being rectified somehow.  I was wondering if they need to atone for the sin their character is associated with (such as wrath or sloth) from a past life perhaps? 

I enjoyed the scene-setting descriptions that showed the overall atmosphere and purpose of the ring of hell featured in the chapter. The use of alliterations in the opening of chapter three with, "resonates in the red-rogue field" was lovely. Descriptions of the more immediate setting would help clarify where the characters are and what they're doing. It was sometimes difficult to keep track of who is who, and who is doing what. For example the description; "A rampant vine suddenly attacks but even when lost in worry, fire sizzles from his hand" – In this line, it is unclear if the vine is still attacking the child or the father since the line above discusses the father wanting to protect his child but it feels implied in this line, the father is being attacked.

I liked how in chapter three we see Angels through the eyes of demons. They are, of course, enemies to demons and we see them wreak a lot of havoc, destroying a young demon's home. I think this provided an interesting perspective as well as a subversion of the usual depiction of angels being sweet and kind beings. Some more world-building elements like this would have helped enhance the immersion into the story. I like how the outer ring, Animian, is described as a utopia to hide the horrors of the other rings below.

There was a fair amount of "telling" as opposed to showing throughout the first five chapters, especially in chapter one. I think more elaboration on characters, settings and overall world-building will help flesh out some of these aspects of the story that tend to be unclear.

The concept is compelling. I think it will be interesting to see what becomes of the seven contestants and which will ultimately win the title to become the Devil's Heir. 

Keep up the great work! 

- Mandie (TheQueenofGremlins)