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DEATH TO PHONEALD MCDONALD

CW: Mentions of a car crash


Scott was just like- I dont even know what he was doing- Just kinda spinning? I dunno man, he's weird. Anyway, he was doing... that... when suddenly a speedy figure charged into him, with another one following behind.

"SCOTT, WALTER GAVE US AN IDEA ON WHAT TO DO TODAY!!!" Stabby yelled excitedly, shaking the taller red phone-head.

"Pretty much, he told him to go wreck a McDonald's and he wants to take you, me, Pierre and JJ with him" Shooty explained, pulling his hyperactive husband off their friend/boss, "By the way he had some of that 'funny juice' that Sage requested Pierre to make and now he's gone hyper"

"Did you atleast try to stop him? I'm fairly certain it has 20 cups of coffee worth of caffeine in it and I dont think its safe-" Scott asked, concerned. He was then dragged out of the room into the main area where some of the other mob members were chilling. 

"I tried to stop him, but you know how this big idiot is. He does what he wants, when he wants. And Pierre needed someone to test the drink." The gun-head sighed, going over, picking up JJ as Stabby tied up Pierre and they all headed to the car.

"What the fuck is happening?" JJ asked as she was put in the passenger seat and Pierre was locked in the trunk, with much protest.

"We're gonna go destroy the only McDonald's in our rival town, basically. We locked Pierre in the trunk because he'd probably try stop us but stabsters there is adamant he comes- And the dude would absolutely beat our asses if we didn't bring him-"

"YOU'RE DAMN FUCKIN RIGHT!" Stabby cut off Scott's explanation, very loudly, "NOW GET IN THE CAR WE'RE GONNA GO BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA PHONEALD MCDONALD!"

"Yes.. that" Scott sighed, as everyone buckled up and they sped along the road to the McDonald's. Atleast, That's what was where they meant to go- They were going so fast that Scott lost control of the car and went full speed into the woods. It went a surprising amount into the woods before it crashed. There was a yell from the trunk, likely Pierre. JJ also screamed as she went through the windshield. If it weren't for her phone head she'd probably have had her head torn to shreds. Nice. 

"Wear a seatbelt next time, dipshit." Scott said before getting out of the car to help his daughter. As you can see, Scott sucks at parenting, but don't tell him that. He'd cry. ANYWAY, other than a few scratches to JJ's head casing, everyone was relatively fine, to some degree. Only problem; most of them had no idea where they were. Except maybe Pierre who had hit his head and was now passed out in the trunk. Such a shame that he was the only one who had been in this area before, and he was the only one unconscious. So now they were lost, with Stabby and Shooty carrying Pierre and Scott carrying JJ. Yikes. 

"So, we have no way to get home, my head is busted, Pierre is knocked out and JJ doesn't have the number for HQ. We're stranded then, aren't we?" Scott groaned as he headed in the way he remembered going, following the moss on the trees.

"Phone-lord, I'm glad that we came in from the north, it means we have some marker of which way we came. I think- I remember seeing the moss when we came in is all." He pointed out, making the others looks really confused. After awhile of walking in that direction, they eventually made it to a clearing. As it turns out, they HAD been going the wrong way and ended up wandering into a makeshift shooting range where some sort of practice was taking place"

"Fuckfuckfuck" Scott cursed to himself, noticing that one of the people there was Sherriff Norm Allen. He crouched behind one of the trees, the other two following his lead.

"Good news, we're back in Dialtown, mostly, bad news, The Sherriff is RIGHT THERE" Scott pointed out, whispering. And in a moment of genius, Stabby went into the clearing, still carrying Pierre and bringing Shooty with him. The second they were noticed, all guns were pointed at them.

"Bro what are you doing?" Shooty asked to Stabby.

"Just trust me" Is all he said before turning to his attention to Norm and some child-

"What in tarnation are you two doin' 'ere?" Norm questioned, "And why're y'all carrying an unconscious man on yer back?"

"We mayyyy have had a car crash when on a road trip and now we're completely lost, plus Pierre hit his head and now he's knocked out-?" Shooty shrugged, which shook Pierre a bit but he didn't respond.

"Y'sure he ain't dead?" Norm asked, lowering his gun but not quite putting it away.

"Certain, our bro checked that he wasn't dead- And we trust his word!" Stabby nodded.

"Yer 'bro' as yer said, where is he?" Norm asked. Scott then stepped out from behind the tree, carrying JJ who had fallen asleep on the walk there.

"uh- Here- Dont mind those two idiots.. despite the fact they're right-" Scott said, laying JJ against a tree, "The name's Scott by the way. Stabs, Shoots, put Pierre against that tree." 

"Gotcha, Boss." They said in unison, putting Pierre against the tree.

"Anyways... Norm, was it? We could really use a hand getting back to town, could you help? We dont exactly know the way and I left the place unsupervised. Which means I'll have to deal with a ton of hyperactive employees who have absolutely nothing to lose. And I *really* dont want Mingus on my back- She can be really catty, so to speak" Scott attempted to persuade Norm, surprisingly it worked. 

"Fine, I'll help yer get back t' town. But keep them 'employees' o' yers under control" Norm accepted, leading the way back to town.

Eventually they made it back and waved Norm off, thanking him. The trio made it back to the casino with the two they were carrying still asleep. Going through the back door, they made their way to the main living area. JJ and Pierre were treated by the mob's Medic, Francis ? (who happens to be the cousin of Stabby) and then they were put to bed.

Scott decided to check on the others only to see half of them had passed out and the ones who were awake seemed like they were coming down from a sugar rush. 

"Eh, could be worse" Gabriel said from behind Scott while also breaking the 4th wall because that is my opinion on this chapter.

Wtf did I do-