Seraphine Live in Demacia!

The Tragic Yordle

Tianna came back grouchy as ever. I hear people as songs. Some are beautiful. Some really suck. Tianna doesn't even want to sing.

"Court is now in session," she said. "We have 12 new jurors. Do any of you jurors have any questions?"

"Yes," said a juror. "What happened to the last jury? I heard they all got eaten by a catfish."

"They did, but I wouldn't worry," said Tianna. "The odds of being eaten by a catfish are 443,176,176 to one. Now on to our next witness. What's your name ma'am?"

"Zoe Sparkalicious Unicornheart Awesomegirl Dazzlyfeet!"

Tianna banged her gavel. "The court records will just show 'Zoe' as we don't have all day. Zoe, what do you have to say about the guilty defendant Seraphine who is, under Demacian law, innocent until I say so."

"Oh I dunno," Zoe said. "I don't even know her."

"Zoe is not one of my witnesses," Lux said. "She's on trial for murder or something not very sunshiny and bright. I think you're in the wrong courtroom auntie."

"I'll say when I'm in the wrong courtroom. Zoe, who did you kill?"

"Sailor Moon and Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Pluto which I really feel bad about because Pluto should really be a planet and...ooooh! Is that a pixie?"

"Who let the pixie in the courtroom?" Tianna asked. "Get the bug spray, let's throw some people in jail and get this over with."

"But I like pixies! They have zoomy fluttery wings!" Zoe said.

"It says here that you didn't kill Sailor Moon. You killed the Star Guardians," Tianna said.

"Same thing. I'm bored," Zoe said. "I had to listen to that depressing yordle. That's punishment enough. Can I go. Oooh! Froggies!"

"I don't see any frogs," Tianna said.

Zoe waved her hands, opened a portal and turned all 12 jurors (and the four alternates) into frogs.

"You'll be a pink frog!" Zoe said. "And you'll be a purple frog! And you'll be a glittery frog!"

One of the juror frogs tried to catch the pixie with it's tongue. It didn't catch the pixie but Tianna appreciated the effort.

"Zoe, you can go free because I hate pixies, I'm sure these Star Guardians were very annoying as well. Let's get on with the Seraphine trial. Who is our next witness?"

"Pix!" Lulu shouted. "I wondered where you went."

Zoe created a portal and flew up through the ceiling. Unfortunately the portal sucked up all the frogs, the bailiff as well as Pix. They were all thrown into a dimension where Aurelion Sol was waiting to eat them.

"No! Not Pix!" Lulu cried. There is nothing sadder than seeing a pixie die.

I was crying. Lux was crying. Lulu was really crying. This wasn't fair. Pix was too super cute to be eaten by a dragon.

Then the depressing yordle that Zoe was talking about walked in. Her name was Vex. Her song was all dark and gloomy and gothy. She seemed kind of happy when Pix got eaten, though.

"What are these yordles doing in my courtroom?" Tianna demanded.

"One is crying and one is moping," Lux said. "These are my two star witnesses. I hope you're not mad."

"I hate yordles!" Tianna shouted. This was really not going well.

"I hate yordles too," Vex said.

"Really?" Tianna said. "A yordle-hating yordle. I think I'm in love."

"Blech!" Vex said. "Can I please die now."

"Doesn't anyone care about Pix?" Lulu asked. She wiped away the tears flowing down her face.

"I thought you were really annoying when I first met you," Vex said to Lulu. "But now that you're all crying and depressed, you're actually kind of cool. Maybe we can go looking for Pix's corpse together."

"I...I think I would like that," Lulu said. "Friends forever? Let's go!"

I was so happy to see two yordles with such different songs bonding in harmony, but they really weren't doing anything to keep me out of jail.

"Lux, I don't mean to be negative but do you have any helpful witnesses?" I asked.

"No, but I have a lot of witnesses," Lux smiled. "One of them has to be helpful, right?"

"I'm only allowing  few more," Tianna said. "We have a war to fight. Who's next."

"The defense calls, Qiyana!" Lux said.

"Who?"

Qiyana walked in like she owned the courtroom. Then she sneered because she didn't want to own this courtroom. It was beneath her.

"Young lady, that hula hoop is not allowed here," Tianna said.

"It is not a hula hoop. It is my ring blade and I would use it to slice your throat, except I don't feel like getting it dirty," Qiyana said.

"If it looks like a hula hoop, it's a hula hoop," Tianna said. "So, Keanu, what do you have to say in Seraphine's defense?"

"It is Qiyana. Kee-an-a! Say it with reverence while you bow down to me!" 

"Her song is like the queen's march," I said. "All royal and glorious."

"See. Dumb little girl with obnoxious hair respects me!" Qiyana said.

"That is not grounds for finding her innocent," Tianna said. "I think we're done with this witness."

"Oh no!" Qiyana shouted. "Only Qiyana says when Qiyana is done. I will be done when you all bow down before me. Now!"

Everyone just stared. The one frog who survived said "Ribbit!"

"I am the queen of Ixaocan!" Qiyana said.

"Where?" Tianna asked. "Never heard of it. Has anyone else in this courtroom heard of this Ixaocan?"

Everyone shook their heads no.

"I once sampled Ixaocan cuisine, your honor," Tahm Kench said. "It tasted like mealworms. I would not recommend it."

"You! Fish! You shall not insult Ixaocan," Qiyana said. "Their peasants are much better than the peasants here."

"So you are an imaginary queen of a place that no one has ever heard of?" Tianna asked. "I think we can be done with this witness."

Tears fell down Qiyana's cheeks. "You are nothing but bully," Qiyana said. "You should learn to be nice to people. You really hurt Qiyana's feelings." With that, she stomped out.

"And take your hula hoop with you!" Tianna shouted.

"What now?" I asked Lux.

"What's now is that we will take a 15 minute recess so I can get a new jury and get some pixie repellent just in case," Tianna said. "Court adjourned!"