I can't help falling in love with you (again) | PeterMJ

Two weeks, multiple difficulties

I feel a lot of emotions at the moment. Everything seems fine, then something happens that switches my whole mood. It's only been two weeks, but a lot has happened that's just left me in a total mess.

The first week back at work after the date incident, I was so overwhelmed. I'm usually fine in those situations, I wouldn't have took the job otherwise, but this was something else. I had spilt hot water on my hand while pouring a drink because my head was clouded with far too many thoughts to concentrate on getting it into the cup; multiple orders turned out wrong, and I wanted to quit. "MJ, I think you need an early finnish today. Are you getting enough rest, you could be overwhelmed due to tiredness." My manager had come up to me at the end of a shift.

"It's exam season soon and I've been studying a lot." - it wasn't untrue, bit it wasn't the full truth either.

"I recommend you take some vacation days to yourself this week, for your mental wellbeing, you may not think I do but I care for my employees, not every manager would do this, but you've burnt your hand. Take the week." And that was that.

School hadn't been the best either. Something in my brain was not making me think straight, I had walked up to the cafeteria table, and insecurities cursed my brain. Betty and Ned was only having a single conversation about a common interest with Flash incoming with the typical "This is boring can we move on?"

I believed just from that conversation, I wasn't cut out for the friend group, we were all very different people mashed together in a group, and surprisingly I had befriended someone who would easily ditch the group if someone asked him to join their table and they were even the slightest bit more popular. One of them being a nerd, who has cool interests and is passionate about them, and gushes about them as if it's his wife of 50 years, yet I can't talk to him about them as they don't interest me, it's just not my thing. And then we have Betty, a person who the majority of the time is serious and gets on with things, but sometimes has that quirk that comes out that's very much 'I'm a teenage girl' which I find adorable, but it's totally different to what used to and sometimes overwhelming.

I had walked away, sat alone before heading to the library. It was like I was a freshman again, I grabbed a book from the shelf and sat at the back. It was the only time where I felt peace, in a long while.

I was enjoying the solitude, it was quiet and calm, just how I liked it. I used to mention a lot about how the reason I sat alone was due to not having friends, and finding it difficult. Where, when that was an aspect of it, these moments where I was alone and my brain could empty for longer periods of time in a calm space, led me to not bother seeking out friendships, despite them also being incredibly nice.

I had my head laid back and the book on my chest looking at the ceiling as I let my thoughts empty kut so I could fully join the book, when I heard a voice. "I knew I'd find you here."

I look down and see a softly-smiled Betty walking towards me. "Am I that predictable."

"Miss Michelle 'I read nearly 10 books a week' Jones, being in the library isn't a wild assumption. It was here or the roof."

"My favourite places. This is much calmer than the roof right now." I smile up at her as I put the book down beside me. "You could've just left me."

"You're back to your old ways, we were all concerned why you didn't show up at the table earlier." She sat beside me, placing a cushion behind her to support her back. "What's going on."

"Too much." I say. "It would be really weird if I told you."

"I've heard a lot when interviewing students, shoot."

I looked to the ground, I couldn't explain everything. "Remember when I was on that trip to the statue of liberty and hit my head?"

"Yeah, I think you got off more worse than we thought. Wasn't Ned with you?"