Letting go of self-restraint 5 - Great happiness in a small package

Chapter 12

Wei Wuxian sat down into Lan Zhan's lap, still anxious but a little reassured. He watched as Nie Huisang was chasing after A-Yuan and instead of being out of his mind with worry, he was actually feeling slightly jealous. His son looked so happy right now, in the same way as when he was playing with Wei Wuxian, the Omega wanted to also take part in all the fun.

But he continued just watching fondly. Just as Nie Huisang had said, he had to let A-Yuan experience different things with different people. And although he was still anxious deep down, Lan Xichen and the Qinghe Nie sect heir were ones of the most trusted people he had around. He knew they would do anything to assure that A-Yuan did not get hurt.

"A-Yuan looks to be having so much fun, does he not, Lan Zhan? He is happy." Wei Wuxian could not help himself but to coo in their shared mind space.

"Mn," hummed his husband next to his ear, "Wei Ying is happy too."

And indeed, it was only at this moment Wei Wuxian realized that underneath all his anxiety and fear for his little baby, he was indeed happy. It was one of the few times he had come out of the Jingshi these past almost two years. He had almost forgotten that there was a whole world for him to see, he had even forgotten the rabbits! And most importantly, he could share all of this with A-Yuan and Lan Zhan. What could ever be better?

He craned his neck backwards so he could look over his shoulder. He had already expected it, but Lan Zhan's small smile still took his breath away from him. His husband was gorgeous like this, and he too was happy. Wei Wuxian could both see it in his expression and feel the sentiment coming out of him in uncontrolled waves. His worries slipped a little more away from him, this truly was a great day.

He leaned a little more backwards so he could kiss Lan Zhan on the lips. And then, he felt a chill run down his spine and he knew that the perfect day had just finished. Something must have happened.

Wei Wuxian's head whipped around to look at A-Yuan and he had never before been on his feet this quickly. Before he could even rationally process the situation, he was already running in the direction where the toddler had been before. Had been, yes, because now, he could not see A-Yuan anywhere around, no matter how hard he was looking. Panic overwhelmed him at once as he was desperately looking in all directions, searching for his precious baby.

"No... No! A-Yuan, where are you?" he called desperately, not even conscious of the fact that no words actually left his mouth. His son would not be able to hear him like this. He could not pay attention to anything but not being able to see A-Yuan.

"How could I have allowed this to happen? Where is he, where?" Wei Wuxian was immediately back to his old self, blaming himself for his carelessness and swearing that if he was even getting his baby back, he would shut the both of them in the Jingshi and never even look out of the window. "I should have known better that something bad would happen to him. I should be the one protecting him and yet, I have been way too relaxed, all smitten with Lan Zhan and I have stopped paying attention. What kind of father am I?"

Just as he was truly about to go mad, there was sudden movement in front of him. Nie Huisang was standing up from a particularly deep and tall patch of grass, with A-Yuan in his arms. The child's initially pristine white robes were stained green in several places, especially on his knees, which was the last of Wei Wuxian's worries at the moment. With endless relief that only becoming a parent had taught him, the Omega realized that A-Yuan must have only tripped on his unsteady feel and fallen down. No one had hurt him and no one had tried to take him away from his parents' arms.

This time, it was Wei Wuxian who fell down to his knees. He felt tears stinging in his eyes and he barely kept himself from crying. He could not break down in front of his son.

Nie Huisang must have understood even without words that more than anything, Wei Wuxian needed to hold the toddler in his arms. Without being prompted in any way, the Qinghe Nie sect heir kneeled down next to him and let A-Yuan sit in his father's lap. Wei Wuxian immediately hugged his precious treasure tightly and buried his face in the child's shoulder, breathing deeply and making sure that he had his little radish back.

It was only then that he also started registering what was happening around him. He noticed that Nie Huisang was not the only person who was sitting next to him. At some unknown moment, Lan Xichen had also come and was now standing behind the Qinghe Nie sect heir, holding a hand on his shoulder, while looking at Wei Wuxian with worry in his eyes. Lan Zhan was also right here; the Omega could feel his soulmate's hand gently caressing his lower back.

His breath was slowly starting to slow down with each second – or minute, or even hour? He could not tell, his sense of time had been lost for now – he could feel A-Yuan's warmth in his arms. A-Yuan was fine. And Wei Wuxian would probably also be after a while. He should be used to this, it happened all the time, children fell down nothing short of regularly, the only difference now had been that he had not been the one keeping an eye on the toddler.

Suddenly, before Wei Wuxian could continue with his overthinking, his son turned in his embrace and smiled brightly at him. There were no tears of pain nor any sigh of discomfort in his expression. It was almost as if he had not just fallen down and potentially hurt himself. Instead of crying, he was showing Wei Wuxian something he was holding with great pride.

It was a flower, a single small and slightly squished flower.

Wei Wuxian could not believe his eyes. And then his ears when A-Yuan innocently offered the flower to him: "Daddy, for you."

Somewhat dumbfounded, he took the flower into his hands and said: "Thank you, A-Yuan, it is lovely."

The child grinned even more widely before he jumped out of his father's limp arms and ran away while explaining to no one in particular: "I am going to pick more pretty flowers for everyone. One more for daddy, one for father. And for Nie-Gege and Xichen-Gege. And for uncle Qiren as well."

When no one followed him and A-Yuan noticed it, he tuned back and gestured to Wei Wuxian: "Will daddy come too?"

Still stunned, Wei Wuxian could do nothing but to nod and stand up to go join the child in his playing. He was still trying to wrap his head about all of this weird situation: "Nothing happened. Nothing, A-Yuan just went down to pick a flower. And yet, here I am, making a scene out of everything and trembling like a leaf. I should get a grip and not overreact. A-Yuan will notice otherwise. I should be more on my guard in the future."

After a little moment, his eyes were pulled towards the gift he had just gotten, leaving the toddler for just a fraction of a second: "Still, this little flower... Had A-Yuan thought it was lovely and gave it to me to lift my spirits? He often comes to cheer me up whenever I am feeling down. Somehow, he can sense it no matter how much I try to conceal everything and smile. Sometimes, he is even faster than Lan Zhan..."

The rest of the afternoon passed in peace. Wei Wuxian kept a hawk's eye on the toddler and none of the others mentioned anything about the panic attack or the fact that the Omega had completely overreacted. Lan Zhan always kept himself at arm's length, offering silent support and reassurance. After a while, Nie Huisang and Lan Xichen also joined in on the game of flower gathering and they were all laughing again together, the fear of the last minutes being slowly washed away by the omnipresent happiness and cheer. It was nice being outside after all and there was so much to do, so much more than in the small back garden back at the Jingshi.

"Perhaps it is not so bad to go outside once in a while after all," thought Wei Wuxian to himself once his shock had completely subsided.