Target Tentacles - A Karmagisa Assassination

Chapter 15/Update

Hey everyone, sorry for disappearing for like... a year or something :/

I don't know whether or not I'm going to be continuing this series, but for now I guess you can say it's on hiatus. I did have a final (unedited) chapter written that I never posted because I wanted to write a filler Nagisa chapter to put before it but eh, I'm probably not going to get around to it any time soon, so here it is

If you've stuck around this whole time then thanks, it means a lot <3

Please don't hesitate to reach out if you need/want anything from me either as the writer of this series or just a fellow Wattpader :)

Thanks again <3

–Laika

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I have a crush, Karma thinks.

No. That's wrong.

I have... feelings. That's not quite it either.

I'm... in love.

And there it is. The plain unadorned truth. He doesn't know whether to smile or grimace, so he keeps his feelings neutral and treats it as a fact. He knows how to deal with facts.

Karma is alone in his room. He lies sprawled out on his bed, staring at the blank, white ceiling. It is late, very late, into the evening, but his lights are still on. The house is silent, which makes it easier to think.

Since when? He wonders. And then he decides it doesn't matter. It could have been anytime. After the assassination. Over the years of separation. Hell, it could even have been in high school. Who's to say?

The important thing is that somewhere along the way admiration and respect and bloodlust had blurred into something deeper. Something foreign.

Love.

The word crashes over him with the force of a blow, and suddenly he can't breath.

Love? Nagisa? No. Never. It isn't true. How could that ever be true?

And suddenly he's up and pacing the floor, struggling to get breath into his uncooperative lungs. He grips the hilt of his knife so hard it bruises, his arm trembling with rage.

Why? Why him? Why now? Why this? Why couldn't things just stay as they were?!

He refuses. Karma absolutely refuses. He doesn't need this. He didn't need this complication. Why did everything have to be so complex?

He abruptly stops pacing, frozen in place by the pure weight of his revelation crashing down on him all at once, all the feelings he'd locked away for the evening suddenly bursting through.

In the sudden silence he can hear distantly the rustling of sheets from another room. Nagisa.

The fight leaves him just as suddenly as it came and he collapses back onto the bed.

What would Nagisa think of this? he wonders. What would he say?

It's impossible to tell for sure. There are so many possibilities, so many reactions that Nagisa might have.

Perhaps he would be angry, as Karma is angry. Angry at the world for decreeing it to be this way and angry at Karma for betraying their friendship.

Or perhaps he would be confused and dismissive. Karma is not known for his sentimentality. Surely this is a joke, a prank to ruffle Nagisa's feathers which is best to just ignore.

Or perhaps he would be pleased. Perhaps he secretly felt the same way for years and never said anything for fear of rejection, but now the clouds have parted and the flowers will start to bloom.

But none of those are right. None of those are true to the Nagisa he knows, the Nagisa of right now who is sleeping in the room next door. Because, if nothing else, Karma does know Nagisa. He clings to that; it grounds him.

Overwhelmed, he decides at last. It would overwhelm him to discover that his best friend from high school, his sadistic violence-addicted fiercely independent partner harbors such intimate and powerful feelings for him. It would overwhelm anyone, probably. But for Nagisa, who is always so careful not to expect anything from anyone...

Karma is no fool. He knows that Nagisa is cautious of the length and depth of their friendship. At this point he doubts that Nagisa even thinks of their friendship as being perpetual, sustainable. From Nagisa's point of view they're probably close, but not close like family. Never close like family. Not with Karma.

And Karma can't blame him. Not after he'd been the one to push Nagisa away. Not after Nagisa had been the one who had to chase after him.

Moreover, he reflects, Nagisa has experience with losing those he cares about, those who should be closest and most constant. It's no wonder he's reluctant to rely on stability, loathe to depend on the people and relationships he cares about most.

But for Karma, Nagisa is a constant, and the more he thinks about it the more convinced he becomes. For Karma, their relationship isn't based on the amount of time they spend together or the give and take of support and stability. Nagisa has become irreplaceable. Nagisa is comfort. Nagisa is family.

And Karma hasn't had family for as long as he can remember.

He stares at the white ceiling and listens for the rustle of trees outside his window. Karma has always relied on the rustling of trees for company, but tonight is a dead night, and there is no wind to stir them. Now the only thing he can hear is the faint whisper of breathing from the room next door.

What does he do with this? What does he want?

A small part of him is curious what a romantic future with Nagisa might look like. He can already picture it so clearly, he can see lazy Sunday breakfasts and quiet late night cuddles and intimate kisses shared on the way out the door.

But more realistically he sees exactly what he has now; a friend, a friend whose company brings him comfort, a friend who he supports and stands by without fail, a friend who brings a little bit of discomfort and a little bit of pain but a lot more happiness than the other two combined.

And whatever happens, he knows that he cannot bear to lose him. Not now. Not after everything. Not after he's finally let him in.

Karma has never faced a prospect so terrifying and exhilarating. It is a heavy burden to love someone, and a burden that Karma has never been eager to carry.

But he thinks he can learn to accept it. It is too late to regret it now, too late to regret long school lunches and bloodcurdling fights and jokes traded over the years. Too late to retract his respect and admiration. Too late to close himself off.

So he'll have to wait instead. He'll wait and watch and see what can be done. And maybe there is a chance for spring rain, and maybe, maybe, the flowers will bloom.

But if not, he will simply learn to be content with this. With a best friend who cares about him and always stands by his side, and that will be enough. That has to be enough.

He closes his eyes and listens to the distant sound Nagisa's steady breath.

Eventually he falls asleep.