Treading Water- tsitp fanfic

Run

Warning: Sad AF

Nat's POV

I wake early the next morning for a run on the beach, only to be met with Conrad sitting in the sand looking out at the water. I clear my throat approaching him, "Hey, what are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep, you?"

"Same I guess, I thought if I couldn't sleep I mine as well go for a run."

He nodded his head and I turned to be on my way, but before I could go any further he called out, "Ya know, you don't have to do keep doing whatever it is that you're doing."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Covering up for my mistakes, keeping mom and Laurel off my back," he continued before I got the chance to intervene, "you're suffering too, I don't understand how you can continue to act as if everything is fine and handle it all so well."

I let out a small laugh and sit down by him, "I don't know if I'd go so far as saying everything is fine, but I don't know, I guess- I guess I've just been operating on auto-pilot since I found out. It's either that or I drown." we sit in silence for a moment, taking in our situation. 

"And what if- what if it's too late and I've already drowned?" he spoke hesitantly.

"Well, then you've got me here to pull you back in," I say offering him a soft smile.

He lets out a frustrated sigh, "That's just it, Nat, that's not your job, it's mine," I put on a confused look as he continued, "When you found out, I was so upset with myself, I was supposed to protect you from the truth, to save you from feeling what I was feeling, but I couldn't," he paused this time letting out a frustrated laugh, "I couldn't because let's face the facts, you're not Jeremiah. You guys may share a birthday, and a lot- and I mean a lot, of the same personality traits, but you don't have that same blissful ignorance that he does. No, you're smart, and sometimes being smart come back to bite you in the ass," he again paused, "But I'm smart too, so you can't get your bullshit passed me, I see you. I saw how destroyed you were when you found out, and then- and then what, you wake up the next morning as if nothing happened? No, that's not normal, it's not just abnormal it's unhealthy. It's not your job to be ok, you're allowed to break too. So please, for the love of God, stop looking after me at your own expense."

I hadn't realized I was crying until I hurried to wipe away my tears, "Wow, uh- I didn't realize you felt that way."

"Yeah well, your'e my little sister, I notice things," we share a look of understanding. I lean my head on his shoulder and sit and look out to the sea. In that moment all that there is is me, my big brother, and the soft breeze blowing through our hair, and just for this moment, that is all that I need.

After a few moments pass I clear my throat, "I- uh, better get going on my run," I mutter.

He offers me a soft smile, a real smile, regardless of the fact that it is only for my own expense. With that, I turn to begin my run, noticing Belly approaching Conrad as I go. I offer her a smile and a wave and she gives the same in return. I turn away and begin to run at full force, allowing my thoughts to drift.

April

Two months left until Jere and I finish our junior year of High School, and one month until Conrad graduates, and everything is great. My swim team had just recently taken home state champs, and track season was in full swing. Jeremiah had just won prom king and was in his usual spot at the top of the social hierarchy. Conrad, well, Conrad was Conrad. He quit football, which I'll admit is a bit irregular, but he claimed he wanted to focus on his academics. He wasn't his usual fun-loving self either, no, he stopped going out with Jere and I, in fact, he rarely left the house. I was concerned of course, but he wouldn't let anyone in. Then there was my mom, the mother of all mothers. She was doing great, she was in full remission and I couldn't be happier. Life had been hard recently, unsure of what the future held for her. Hell, unsure of what the future held for myself, lord knows what I would do without her. But it was all ok now, she was ok. Dad, well dad was busy with work, typical. But I hardly cared, it was the woman and the children, just how we like it, as my mother put it. Truthfully, I wouldn't have it any other way, it made the world feel right.