𝗧𝗢𝗢 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗚 【 𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗷𝗮𝘆 】

chapter twelve

when eunseong came home, she went to jay's room. she knew he came home early because taehyun had told her.

she gently knocked and opened the door. her eyes widened as she saw a whole chaos in the room and jay sleeping on the bed with his school uniform on.

everything was a mess. his books were throwed all over the room, figures, boxes and other things were scattered, shattered and torn apart. there were even colored pencils on the floor that had been broken.

eunseong concluded that jay was having an attack of aggresion. last time something like this happened, he just attacked verbally.

she went to bed and stroked her older brother on the head. he must have been very tired and nervous. eunseong discovered vomiting next to jay's bed. she quickly took off the shoes he was wearing, put them down, and started cleaning.

she put away the books, threw away the broken things or tried to fix them and cleaned up the vomiting.

jay was laying in his bed till the end of the day, and every time eunseong entered the room, he slept.

she sat in the living room the rest of the day waiting for her mother. she wanted to tell her everything. she knew it would be hard, but she had to tell her. even if jay is dying, she has the right to know.

their mother came home at 11 pm. eunseong was almost asleep, but she woke up when she heard the sound of the door opening.

"hi, mum!" eunseong stood up to hug the woman.

"why aren't you sleeping? were you watching dramas again?" she asked, giving eunseong a kiss on the head.

eunseong nodded. she was obviously lying.

"i wanted to talk with you about something" she said, taking her mum's hand.

"what about jay? is he asleep?" the woman sat on the sofa.

"he is" eunseong sat next to her "mum, you have to listen to what i am saying now. i will be telling truth and only truth so don't ask me if i'm lying because i am not."

"what is it? you sound scary. did something happen at school?"

~🦌~

jay woke up the next morning. he was actually shocked when he saw what time it was. he has slept for so long. he doesn't even remember changing into his pyjamas.

he slowly left the room to go into the kitchen. he was really hungry. fortunately, his vision was no longer so blurred and he didn't feel like throwing up, but he felt like he would vomit everything after breakfast. if not now then in few hours.

since no one was home, jay had time to think. he thought a lot about his condition and how it might spread to the people around him. that's why he said he had to talk to heeseung today. he didn't want him to worry about his condition anymore. heeseung shouldn't worry about him. he's a senior in high school now, so he should focus on learning instead of jay who's not doing good, just making trouble. especially lately. jay felt guilty about talking to heeseung about his illness and his mother.

jay was surprised about how quickly heeseung responded to him. jongseong messaged him saying that he wants to meet after school and the first thing heeseung replied was that he wants to meet right now, so they did.

it was kind of stiff between them, like they were arguing, even though nothing like that happened, at least in jay's eyes. they didn't even hug to greet each other. they only were facing each other.

"are you okay?" was the first thing heeseung said when he saw jay.

"i am" he said. jongseong looked cold, it made heeseung scared.

"what do you wanted to talk about?"

"i'll make it short" heeseung nodded "let's end it."

heeseung's jaw dropped. he wasn't being serious, right? he couldn't be. what made him think that it was okay to say something like that? like he had any right to breaking up with heeseung.

"i-i don't think i understand" the tall boy smiled, trying to hide the tears that were slowny appearing in his eyes.

"let's break up."

heeseung quickly took jay's hand in surprise "it hasn't been long since we started dating and you already want to break up? what's gotten into you?"

jay let go of heeseung's hand "everything's going to fall now that my condition is getting even worse than before. i don't want to hurt people around me because of that."

"that's nonsense! you'll hurt me by leaving me, not by being ill."

"i'm really doing this for you, heeseung" jay's eyes got teary "so that you can stop caring and live your own life. i will die anyway, it will hurt more if you stay with me."

"no, please" heeseung took his hand again "i want to be with you. i will help you. let's be happy, i'm begging you, jay."

jay shook his head. he took heeseung's hand from his and started walking away.

heeseung was crying.

and there was a thing jay noticed before leaving.

heeseung had fresh wounds on his arms.

~🦌~

the other day, after talking to jay on the bench, heeseung felt terrible. it felt like he was too harsh on jay.

heeseung had emotional problems. the only way to overcome them was to spend time with his friends, and jay helped him the most. when he knew he had someone like jay, he felt calm. that's why he didn't hurt himself. but the other day, he felt like he'd fucked up.

when he got home, he found his old pocket knife in the drawer of his desk, which he used to do it.

he drove his pocket knife over his skin "for being too harsh on jay" he said "for making jay feel bad" he did it again "for pushing jay into doing something he didn't want to" and again "for..." he couldn't find any more reasons, but he did it again and again.

blood dripped to the floor of his room, and he wouldn't stop doing it until tears came out of his eyes.