What Are The Chances?

Chapter 5- Pheonix

I stepped onto the rocks as I walked down the little hill by the river. The sun was almost setting, getting colder by the hour. I have on my brown fur jacket, some jeans and converse. When I'm under the bridge, I see Ellis.

I just paused there, holding his gaze. I'm just now noticing how much taller he is than me and I'm 5'9. After not saying anything, I walked up to him and took off my backpack.

"I don't have a car so you're gonna have to drive us around," I said in a low voice. I didn't think he could hear me under the stream as it travels along its bed bubbling over rocks and branches.

"Yeah captain obvious," Ellis said as he took a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it. He tried a few times, but because of the wind, it wouldn't light.

Without saying a word, I broke the distance between us and used my hands around the cigar to block the air. He looked up at me, but I couldn't tell how he felt about it. "Thanks," he muttered.

I didn't say 'You're welcome,' but instead I said "So we have to choose 5 places. The first one we can go to is the cave behind the skatepark. I went there not long ago and it has a bunch of signatures, and stuff like that. Ellis blew smoke out of his mouth. I noticed the little scar on his eyebrow. I always thought it was just an eyebrow slit or something. "Cool. I've never been."

"It's nice," I said as I sat down on the hard concrete. "We can ride our bikes there-"
"Absolutely not," He said, cutting me off. "I don't want people to see me with you. We're taking the car."

I don't know why, but my heart sank when he said that. Am I that bad to be seen around with? I immediately looked away from him, and at the river. "Fine, whatever you want."

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As we're in the car, I texted my mom to let her know where I was. I kind of felt bad because I'm leaving Minnie May by herself. It's even worse since she's leaving this weekend. We drove in silence, and by the time we arrived, it was dark out.

The day had  slipped into night as the sun sinks below the horizon. The stars low in the sky, twinkling high. I have my journal in one hand so I can write about our experience and what we learned. Of course he made me do the writing.

Once we made it to the cave, he took out his flashlight and shined it all over the walls. Many designs, drawings, and writings covered the place. Ellis was holding the spray can, so he opened it, shook it, and wrote his name and the date. I did the same.

He wanted to leave, but I asked him if we could walk farther into the cave. He sighed and gestured me to lead the way, and 2 minutes down, I stopped when I saw a list. The top had read, 'Things I want to do before I die.'

I took the spray can from his hand and wrote, "Sleep under the stars."
Ellis laughed and it echoed through the cave. "What's so funny," I asked. "Nothing. Nothing." I shoved the spray in his hands.. "How about you write something?" I could feel him looking at me for a couple of seconds before he grabbed it. "Meet my mom."

After I read it, I didn't laugh. I didn't say anything and the silence was loud before I cleared my throat and asked, "Where's your mom?"
It took a long time for Ellis to respond, but when he did, he said, "I don't know. Probably somewhere with a new boyfriend and a new kid, living a different life."

"You never met her?"  I asked quietly. "Yes. But I was so little, I don't really remember anything."
He began walking out of the cave and I followed him into the light. We both sat on the floor. "Sorry to hear that."
"It's fine I guess. I mean, at least she's happy right?"
"You don't know that."

"Oh, but I do. I mean, why abandon a child you gave birth to? It just doesn't make any sense really."
I turned my head and looked at him. "Then why do you want to meet her?"
He then takes out another cigarette. "None of your business, queer."

I didn't say anything after that. We just both sat there in silence, listening to the sound of crickets chirping.

We were back  in the car, driving to my apartment. A warm breeze of heat blew in my face and the radio was playing some alternative songs. I looked out the window, staring at the moon and other cars passing by.

When I was younger, I always felt like the moon was following us in the car. Everytime I'd look out the window, it was right there with me. Ellis didn't say anything for a while, but when he parked in the lot of my apartment, he said, "If you tell anyone about us being partners, you're dead. You hear me?"

It took everything in me not to smile, but the look he gave me made me bust out laughing. "Are you serious right now?" I cover my mouth and look out the window.

"Sorry It's just, why would I tell anyone anyways?"
"Great question. Maybe because you always fail to keep your mouth shut. It's already worse that I'm partners with you. You're gay and I don't want anyone thinking that we're you know," he moves his finger to point at the both of us. "A thing."

The smile on my face immediately vanished. "Why would I want a thing with you anyways?" I asked, looking him dead in the eye. "Get the hell out of my car," he said flatly before looking down at his lap.
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When I opened the door, it was pitch black besides the small tv that was on in the living room. I grabbed the remote to turn it off when I noticed my mother laying on the couch, sleeping. An empty coffee mug sat on the table, with an open book.

I walked back into the kitchen to get water, and then to Minnie May's room where she was sound asleep too. Barbie dolls were scattered all over the floor and her sipping cup sat by her bed.

I wanted to sleep next to her, but was afraid to wake her, so I just went to my room and sat on my phone. Tomorrow morning, me and Penopole are meeting at the library and this weekend, we're going to hang out at the cafe.

I cracked my window to let some air in because it's burning in my room. The heater is broken and we're still yet to fix it.

My phone buzzes again, and I thought it was going to be Penelope, but no. I almost choked on my water when Ellis' username popped up. I click on the notification and it brings me to his instagram. He has 724 followers and his posts are full of him playing football, hanging with friends, and him at parties. We're not following each other obviously, but we have a lot of mutuals.
'Hey.'

Really? All he says is hey? What about "I'm sorry for making your life a living hell and calling you faggot?" Why is he even texting me at all?

I texted him back anyway. 'hi.'
The 3 dots pop up immediately after I send it and 10 seconds later, he replies.
'Meet me at the park by your apartment.'
I raised my eyebrows, raised my arm, and pinched my wrist to make sure I wasn't dreaming. "What?" I whispered under my breath. I had to play it cool.

'umm, why?'
I looked out the window, watching the cars pass by on the roads and my phone buzzed.
'You really need to stop asking questions. Meet me at the park, and come alone.'

I shouldn't be sneaking out. I don't want Minnie May waking up and I'm not here. But then I thought about Ellis, the way he walks, how he blows the smoke out of his cigarette, those big brown eyes, and I was out the door in 10 seconds.