What Are The Chances?

Chapter 14: Ellis

I have a lot of explaining to do. It's been way too long since me and Phoenix stopped talking and it's killing me. It's killing me because I don't know what he's doing at the moment or if he still hates my guts and if he does, I don't blame him. I blame myself and my bad decisions.

Every single day I've been beating myself up for it and it got so bad that I told my parents about it. They never knew that I felt that way about guys at all, and when I told them, it's like a weight lifted off my shoulders and that weight was 2 million pounds. After them staring at me blankly, my dad said, "Whatever makes you happy and if that makes you happy, then I am 100% okay with that."

And then my stepmom smiled and said, "Yes. I feel like it doesn't matter what it is as long as it makes you happy." I let out a long, heavy breath and hugged them. "Thank you guys for everything." After we let go, I decided to go ahead and get EVERYTHING off my chest so I sat back down. "Um.." I nervously ran my fingers through my hair and realized my hands were shaking. "There's this boy...."

I paused again and so my dad nodded while still holding my gaze, and that gave me the strength to keep talking. "There's this boy and his name is Phoenix. I've loved him since elementary and... it's a long story. But remember those nights where I would come home late?"

They both nodded and I rubbed my thighs. "I wasn't out smoking and doing all the things I used to do. During the past 2 months, I've been with him and uh... I can't really explain the feelings I felt when he was around. I felt like I could actually be myself you know? I felt like I was becoming a different person and I was. He changed me and taught me many things about myself that I never knew."
Tears began to fill my eyes, but I remained calm. "..And I messed up. I really messed up and I don't know if there's no going back from what I did."

"What did you do?" My mom asked.
"I... I made out with someone else. He caught me and we never talked since. It's been almost a month and I still haven't found a way to apologize because I am really sorry and I still want him."
I paused for a second. "It's homecoming week and I really want to ask him."
My dad nodded again. "Son, I don't think you can just ask him to come home like nothing ever happened."

Veronica stepped in. "Yeah. You should apologize and explain your feelings towards him. Maybe buy him some roses?"
I laughed a little under my cries. "Good idea.... But what if he doesn't want me anymore? I mean, he probably thinks I'm in love with another person and I'm not."

"You'll never know if you don't talk it out."
I nodded.

That night, I played with Wilhelm and Blair. During these past few weeks, I've been trying to rebuild our relationship by walking them to the park, asking them about school, and taking them out for milkshakes. I even learned a few things about them that I never knew. Blair wants to be a nurse when she grows up and I think it'll suit her. I felt bad because I should've known. She always plays with toy stethoscopes and Doc Mcstuffins. Wilhelm is obsessed with classic music just like me. His birthday is coming up in December and he wants a record player. I smiled when he told me that because I think it's crazy how he's just like me and I never noticed.

My dad and Veronica have been really proud of me and I've been proud of myself too. I apologized to them for not only being absent in their lives, but not caring and being mean. It feels like I'm someone else on the inside now. A way better version than who I was just a couple of months ago.

While I was preparing dinner, my dad called me into his office and told me to shut the door behind him. He had a serious look on his face, but his eyes looked happy. I sat down on a chair in front of him and waited for him to say something instead of staring into my soul.

"I received a letter."
A smile imminently grew on my face. "Is it from Phoenix??"
He grinned and shook his head. "It's from your mom."
And then my smile faded away. "M- mom?"
He slowly nodded, trying to read my face. I honestly thought I would be happy because I used to dream about this day, but I was a little angry. Not even a little. I was very angry. "What does she want?" I asked, bouncing my leg. "She wants to see you."