It marks three years for me to be clean from anything that binding and blinding me in the past. As I write this, I am not crying anymore. I miss everyone in my past, I miss my old close friends, I miss my first love, I miss my mom, I miss my dad that actually they never really are mine since the first one. I need to step into my power without them, I needed to heal for all of us. As I write this, I realized a pattern in my life. I was bringing in toxic parenting that continued to make me feel unwanted, rejected, abandoned, and full of conditional love.
Someone that felt parental rejection, been cheated on, settled for uncaring companion, and self-sabotages all the good in her life. I realized at my lowest, I never have anyone beside, behind, or in front of me, but him. However, I still needed to heal myself for ME. Hurt people welcome in hurt people. HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE and I was tired of hurting, now I am totally bored with the pain. So, I realized that what I put out is what I will get back.
I want to heal, so I can welcome in healed people. I want people to see my worth instead of rejecting who I truly am without any preferences. I need to love myself unconditionally and give myself ALL that she deserves. I am coming out of a really low years, dark ages. So, I stopped and asked myself what I could have done differently when I start to spiral. The first thing that comes to my mind is to enhance all the things that make me feel good.
And today I woke up and just did that. I will not let my pain hold me back, I will let it motivate me to heal deeper and more. I will not let myself down in a very long time anymore. She deserves to be alright, she deserves to sleep at night. I am her closest friend and I remind myself again. I will treat her well because she's with me till the end. BECAUSE HEALED PEOPLE WELCOME IN HEALED PEOPLE!
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STAY
Poetryto not move away from or leave a place or situation and to continue doing something or continue to be in a particular state, we choose to stay.
