The Obligatory Egos Swap AU - Jacksepticeye Egos

The First Kill Is Always The Hardest - Part 1

A/N: back at it with a new part, no warnings yet so enjoy!!!

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Entering his third year of med-school with a fresh autism diagnosis left Jackie with the difficult task of having to tell his professors the news on request of his psychiatrist. He was struggling in school but really wanted to complete it so he could work in the field, and his psychiatrist figured it best to confide in the people who would help him get there.

On the day of he travelled from class to class and told each of his professors the news in as professional a way as he could muster and with as much detail as possible. His voice shook for the first couple, but got better as he got through the day.

It helped that some of his professors were understanding, offering their help where they could despite Jackie's stubborn refusal, but others brushed him off, saying it made no difference. He tried his best to understand both sides as he walked to the last room of the day.

Jackie stopped outside the classroom. Class was yet to start for another few minutes, he had time to get this one off the table beforehand.

He didn't like this professor

He'd been rude to Jackie since the very first day of the year and hadn't stopped since. It was as if he knew there was something different about Jackie as soon as he walked in that door, and that terrified the man. Jackie had mentioned his worry to his psychiatrist as well, but she had told him not to and that was that.

Jackie took a deep breath. He could already see the professor turning toward the classroom window before he walked in and that pushed him to turn the knob.

"Good afternoon, Jack," his professor addressed, clearly exhausted already but still adamantly refusing to use Jackie's preferred nickname. "Is there something you need?"

Everything in Jackie was telling him to shake his head and run back out the way he'd come, but that wouldn't get him anywhere. "Uh, yes, sir. Actually, there is. I come bearing a diagnosis that I hope you will take the time to read about and learn and understand how it impacts me-"

"Jack. I know what autism is," the professor interrupted, "and it is just an excuse on your part. Your class work is lacking, sure, but it's not because you've been told you have autism. You just refuse to put the effort in. From what I heard you used to be very smart. It's saddening."

"I..." Jackie was shocked into silence.

From the time his doctor had initially suggested he get looked at for autism to the actual diagnostic process, he'd known this time would come from one person or another. He honestly felt like he should have expected something from this professor.

"I'll let this interaction slide. You won't be getting any special treatment from myself or your fellow trainees. If you ever feel the need to leave class for any reason, I will mark you down as absent even if you've already been marked as present. Five absences in the span of a month without good cause will take you out of my class. Do you understand?"

"I..." Jackie repeated. His breathing wavered slightly but he held strong. "I understand. Please, feel free to remove me from your class now, then. I can find a replacement."

His professor locked hard eyes on him. "I'm sad to see you go, Jack. I truly hope you can find what you're looking for in life and that your autism doesn't prevent you further."

"It won't. It's me, and I can do anything I put my mind to."

Jackie left the room before his professor could see the tears beginning to leak and called his friend and housemate to pick him up.

"Hullo?" came his raspy voice. Then he heard the crying. "Jackie, is everything all right?"

"Henrik, it didn't go well. I need you to come get me, I can't get home safely by myself..."

Henrik cleared his throat on the phone and Jackie heard shuffling on the other end. "I'm coming now, just hang on."

Several days later and Jackie hadn't even been able to return to school for any of his other classes. This was the end of his journey to becoming a doctor, he realised. Unless he ever got up the nerve to try again in the future, though he doubted it.

He'd had Henrik call the school and explain the situation with the professor after remembering and explaining everything; every excruciatingly ableist detail. Henrik had immediately started fuming on his behalf to the point Jackie had to tell him to calm down because he was scaring him so much. Then Henrik left the room and he heard him going off on the administrative staff, even reverting to his native language at times in what had to be ten times the amount of anger Jackie thought a human body could even hold.

He fell asleep sometime after the shouting stopped, pillow covering his head to block out the sunlight.

A while later—what he thought might have been a few minutes but had really been a few hours when he seen the moon peeking through the curtains—Jackie woke back up to a hand gently rubbing his back, a calming accent singing a song he didn't recognise since it was in another language. The singing stopped as soon as he opened his eyes.

"You were quite asleep, weren't you?"

Jackie looked up to see Henrik sitting beside his bed in his desk chair that he had pulled closer. "Uh, yeah," Jackie yawned. "What's up, though?"

"Your school called me back. Professor Herman has been put on leave, but I don't think he'll be returning anytime soon."

"My school?" Jackie asked back, confused more by that specific phrasing. "But you go there, too."

Henrik shook his head, Jackie only then realising he'd never stopped rubbing his back and shoulder. "I decided to drop out. I never liked being the smartest in class, anyway."

"Hen... your parents are going to be pissed." Henrik smiled. "What about me?"

"What about you? You're still welcome back there whenever you please, though you might have to play some major catch-up," Henrik told him, finally stopping the motion of his hand on Jackie. Immediately, Jackie missed the soothing gesture. "However, that is not what I come in here for. I bring a surprise."

Jackie frowned but sat up in his bed. "And it couldn't wait until later? It's..." he looked at his clock again, squinting without his glasses. "It's 2 o'clock in the morning."

"It's important," was all Henrik said in response, standing and retrieving Jackie's glasses for him. "Now, follow me."