Livin La Vida Bam

Back to Chaos

Since the movie's filming everything's been quiet, everyone was working on the next jackass season, which I am in a few parts, but most of my time now is spent on my couch binge-watching some new show or movie. Bam is still coming over every day after work and most of the time he's pretty physically fucked. 

I was asleep on the couch when I heard a bunch of loud knocking on the door. I don't remember how I got to the couch though, as I remember falling asleep in bed. I got up and looked through the peephole seeing a very familiar and angry face.

"I KNOW YOU'RE HERE BITCH!" Jenn was outside my door screaming, but her voice cracked as though she was crying.  I backed away from the door and walked over to my calendar on the wall in the kitchen. I crossed out another day, August 29th. Everything has been flying so fast since being here. Bam and I have already been together for a year. 

That thought made me question even more why Jenn was pounding at my door now. I sighed and prepared myself to be hit as I walked back over to the door and unlocked it. I opened it and Jenn looked shocked.

"honestly Jenn, just, what do you want?" I looked at her with the most rbf my body could conjure. 
"I wanted to... apologize" That last word made my jaw drop.
"So you come on my porch calling me a bitch, then you say you want to apologize? go home Jenn." I tried to close the door but she pleaded.
"I-I'm sorry okay? I feel bad. I was a bitch to you all because of Brandon, you didn't deserve that." I was still in complete shock and baffled by the words she was saying to me.
"Whatever, I forgive you. can I go back to relaxing now?" 
"Just take this." She handed me a blank card with just a phone number written on it.
"That's my number, if you ever need anything." She smiled at me, and it for once seemed genuine. 

I took the card and faked a smile. "Yeah thanks, I will." I slowly closed the door and mouthed 'what the fuck' as I walked back to the couch. That was most definitely a shock, to say the least, but I still chose to just lay the card on the coffee table, and fall back asleep.

~

I woke back up at around 3:45 a.m. and I checked my phone, still no messages from any of the boys, besides Ry.

1:26 A.M.
Did you die?

1:43 A.M.
Helloooooooo?

2:56 A.M.
Hey, are you okay?

3:10 A.M.
I'm actually worried now, has Bam been there to check on you?

Reading those texts, come to think of it, he hadn't talked to me all day. I brushed it all off and called myself paranoid as I texted Ry back. 

3:50 A.M.
Yea, I'm fine, just ptfo on the couch for a while. and no I haven't heard from Bam all day.

I sat up on the couch and laid my head to look at the ceiling, every bad overthinking thought rushed to my head, maybe he's looking for more than me, maybe he's losing feelings, maybe..

My thought was once again interrupted by a knocking at the door. I grunted as I stood up, not really wanting to even move more than I already had, especially not answering the door when the tears had already started streaming down my overheated red face. I looked through the peephole to find Ry standing on my deck. I  opened the door and his face lit up, well until he saw my tear-stained cheeks.

"Oh my god, what's wrong?" He was extremely concerned but I just told him it was nothing and I held the door open for him to come inside. We sat and talked for a bit before he brought it up.

"So, you haven't seen Bam at all today?"
"No, why?" I looked at him confused as though it was strange for us to be apart at all. 
"Just wondering." He huffed and then stood up, "I need to go."
"oh, okay. I'll see you later Ry."
"Laters y/n!" he waved goodbye before going out the door. 

That was fucking weird. I brushed it off and decided that since I now turned myself nocturnal, I was going to go to the skatepark. I grabbed just my board, keys, headphones, and phone and then left the house. I locked the door and off I was again, free from any worries, just me, my music, and the vibration of my board under my feet. It was practically just a repeat of one of the first nights I was here, Laying on the ground looking at the sky and contemplating every single thing I've ever done in my life. 

~

The sun started rising so I decided it was time to head home. As I got closer and closer to my own house though, I saw a strange car in Bam's driveway, but once again I just convinced myself I was paranoid and I went on and back into the house.

I went up to my room, flicked on my LED, and loaded a bowl. I sat playing Everlong on repeat on my record player til I eventually conked out around 9 A.M.

~
It was a repeat of this for the next few days. No calls, texts, or visits from Bam, but Ry did start coming over, seeing that Bam wasn't.
~

After about a week and a half things went back to normal, the car was no longer at Bam's and he was back to coming over every day. Things kept going smooth after that and all the days just started to seem to mush together, So I was never really grasping what date it was until it hit October 17th, My very lovely 20th birthday. 

I was never about big birthday parties so just like last year, it was just me and the boys. We all got fucked up as usual, but surprisingly I was the first one to fall asleep. And of course the next morning I had the most disgusting hangover. 

~
I can't tell if it was just my depression getting to me or not, but everything went back to being grey again. Days were hard to discern, The boys still came over all the time just to make me food or keep me company. I don't know why but Ry was always the first one to check on me. At first, it was only a night Ry would stay, then it would be a week and he hadn't gone back home yet. Bam was staying the night here and there but understood that I wanted to be alone at times. Ry didn't get that at all, but he wasn't too pushy in trying to make sure I was okay. 

~
Within what felt like a flash here it was December 31st, 2001, the end of another year. Thankfully by this time I'm feeling like myself again so we all decide we should go to Vegas for the New Year and kiss that trash ass year goodbye.

(A/N I know this part was absolutely everywhere, but that's how your character is, she's everywhere and i wanted to portray what depressive episodes really look and feel like, just days bunching together and disappearing into the rest of the chaos of the human mind. Anyways, i hope you enjoyed this chapter, keep it groovy lovely <3)