Tainted Love

Chapter 2 - KAS

Two weeks had passed and I had completely forgotten about my crush, life had to go on, I was just not in the mood or frame of mind to be infatuated by no more young boy! Or so I convinced myself. Every now and then I would see his face now fading from my memory flash across my mind. In those days we never had a phone where we could just pick up and call, furthermore, I didn't even know where to find him and the only link between us was my very close friend.

I did not want to ask about him and then have it believe that because Jackie had a St Francis' boy I wanted one too, no! So I kept my ass quiet. I had also started flirting around with a 5th-age boy as well, he was not my speed or my taste but he was popular and everyone wanted him but for some reason he wanted me, so surely I was forgetting about my St.Francian.

No sooner had I started to move on than I heard a loud knocking at my gate one evening, it was Jackie, she had left her home to let me know that my crush had inquired about me and wanted us to meet again when Jackie and her man was going to meet up, which happened to be the next day!

I really did not know how to feel. On one hand, I was excited but on the other, I was still scared of what Rohan had done and I was not about to get carried away again.

I agreed to meet up with him and would you believe up until I met the boy Jackie didn't even pinch me and tell me his name?! I walked anxiously because when i reflected on my short time trying to understand boys, I suddenly realised I knew nothing about the likle fool fool beings.

We finally got to Commonwealth Park and sure enough, there was my likle crush and Jackie's man, and Jackie she never did a better thing than hug and kiss her man and lef me right there with the young boy. I could tell he was just as nervous as I was, and being the outspoken big "mouther" I was - I leaped straight into conversation. 

We talked a bit about school and our experiences. I was so interested in his calm, humble demeanor, he was such a young gentleman and well-spoken, he was also an athlete, and he had confided in me that he was up for a football scholarship. I found that great - as most boys back in the day were mostly interested in rugby or track and field, i was so caught up in him and he seemed to be caught up in me and he told me he thought i was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen.

Now before you even go there, I was very nice.

My skin was not always this crushed and wrinkly, and I had the nicest teeth. People told me all the time i had a great smile, and and my dentist even told me she would want to see my wedding pictures as my smile was well aligned with pearly white teeth. 

I had a nice neat likle figure and i was always smartly dressed -  as my aunt shopped in Panama every quarter year to stock her clothing store. My friends always told me I had the nicest outfits and accessories. My hair was jet-black and before I got it processed with straightening cream I had the sweetest natural curls and my hair was always neatly done. I had just the right amount of breast a girl my age should have with a likle "cock up" behind - so you see I was nice. Very Nice!

I knew from just speaking to him that day that even if I didn't end up in a relationship with him, he was gonna have to be my friend.

I started to meet him in the park almost every day after school and if I'm being honest that boy never even mentioned sex or the thought of kissing deeply or any such ideas never came from him. We used to play jacks and we use to buy dollar cones and we would talk about everything.

He was now like my best friend and I loved him for that of course. He was 3 years older than me which meant he was ahead of his studies and so to help me with my school projects he said it was a pleasure.

I never had imagined that I would have found a best friend in a boy - an older boy at that and we were very dedicated to your friendship, and eventually, I started to more than love him I was in love with him.

AH BOY! I tried so hard to keep my feelings from him - after all, at that point, he didn't even give any hints that he wanted to be with me in that way. Was he just a perfect gentleman or was I just not his speed, all types of things raced through my brain every time we met up!

Some nights I used to pretend he was my pillow and that pillow got more kisses than a newborn freshly bathed baby!

We went on with our friendship for six whole months.

I nearly died from my secret love maybe ten times out of that six months. Within the 7th month though I noticed that he had gotten really withdrawn and awfully quiet and it began to concern me, so I had to ask him what was wrong because I thought it was something I had done. He told me he couldn't stay to tell me and I was to meet him three days later at the park at 6 pm.

Those were the longest three days of my teenage life! But the day finally came and I was at the park from 5:45 pm waiting, assuming, pondering, and wondering what this could be all about. I finally saw him walking toward me but unlike our other meetings, he was in his uniform.

I melted!

That boy looked like a well-tailored army general in his uniform, so well-tailored and sweet, but my lust was boosted to love as he grabbed me and hugged me so tight.

In between the warmth of his beautiful body, I was also concerned as he had never hugged me like this before! I embraced him and that was when I felt a bit of wetness on my cheek. I looked up at my muse and sure enough, he had tears in his eyes.

Everything in me fell, all I wanted to know was what was wrong.

He hesitantly told me that he was successful with his scholarship submission, and I was excited, I was happy but he was not, I just could not understand his sadness, and I inquired about how soon he would be leaving in an effort for us to maximize our days together and that's when the tears rolled faster as he told me he was leaving - tomorrow.

Have you ever died in your breathing, living body? No?

Let me explain how that works - your brain is racing to a million different places, you are breathing but your heart stops, the earth is no longer rotating and you are hearing sounds and seeing figures but you are absolutely numb from the crown of your head to the sole of your feet. You want to talk but your tongue drops to the back of your throat and you can't even remember your own name, and for a split second, the entire world goes dark.

The boy that i loved was about to leave - head to a place over 1000 miles away and he didn't know how I felt I could not have told him there and then, for so many reasons but the two main ones? That telling him would have been so cruel if he had felt the same way and two, what if my sentiments weren't being shared? Furthermore, he couldn't even look me in the eye, he handed me a piece of paper, a gift bag, kissed me on my forehead and told me goodbye, and that was it, he walked away!

I went home - I walked home, I don't know who passed me along the way and I didn't know how long it took me to get home, but I got home feeling so confused, torn, and more than anything else I was hurt to my core. I cried that night, I cried at school, I withdrew from my friends and did what I knew best to do, read, read, read and forget everything and everybody. My friends didn't understand what I was going through and I didn't care to tell them. I sat every day under that tree at school putting on a facade just so no one would remind me of the hurt and pain.

A lot of grown adults love to dismiss teenagers and the emotions they carry - as if they aren't going out to earn a living to maintain a household - they have no problems. As if they don't have heartbreaking moments and that my friends are absolute lies from hell. 

I had never felt so low in all my 16 years of life. At that point, life couldn't get any worse. I placed that paper and bag in my treasure trunk and never looked at them again.

Kemaree Amarion Spade, my first true love, was gone.

Men - 2

Kaleena - 0

I told no one of my feelings and I kept that love a secret!