Le Adventures of Baldee

Truth is war - The lightning balls man P.2

Of course not. It was such a big scam. Yelan is hydro-based. He ought to have done his research on hotpeopledotcom before going on this adventure and almost losing his braincells. 

Baldy was immensely remorseful, but he had already darted towards the stupid portrait of her and plunged in thinking that he had seen a golden toilet glinting in the horizon. Perhaps it was the light, or a cat, or one of those crap shit whcih float around because your mom is gay?

Unfortunately, he plunged into AN EMPTY VOID FULL OF VOID AND VOID AHAHAHAHAH **SADISTIC VILLAIN NOISES**.

Sorry kids, you gotta stick up for what's right but there's nothing much to stick up for at the moment. 

Undeterred, Baldy summoned a torch from nowhere like those anime characters and marched forward. What he did not know is that the torch is broken and the circuit is fused and blown or whatever. So much for bravery. 

If you're thinking why I'm not showing you pictures, it's because everything is pitch black. I'm not scamming you buddy. 

Baldy inched forward. The gushing of water could be heard, quite audibly, although it sounded quite sus indeed. It was almost saying...

DEEZ NUTS. 

Baldy gasped. Did it really say it out loud? Fueled by DEEZ NUTS and the cry of rage by the waterfall, he picked up his pace and ran forward like a prey escaping a predator. The source of sound grew audibly louder. The waterfall's cry of deez nutss became more and more intense. Mad with desire, he threw himself forward when the noise was deafening. A large wall of water consumed his entire being, with ketchup and honey mustard and balls of course. The icy cold fangs of the frigid deluge bit sharply into his flesh, while Baldy struggled against its grasp and stretched his fingers out to do some voodoo magic and make the water magically disappear into thin air. 

Wow I actually used half a decent sentence, but I can't keep doing that, because my english teacher will get too happy and that wouldn't be good. 

Now that he defeated the erotic waterfall, light flooded the cave again. He had destroyed the ultimate void of uh, water I guess. Probably some shit set up by Yelan to piss people off. Idk. 

Baldy didn't think much about his heroic act and took out his mobile phone and snapped a selfie, but the selfie also evaporated due to his supremely magical voodoo aura. 

With newfound light (both metaphorically and literally), Baldy ventured further into the cave of emo kids. It was beautiful, wow. It had a bunch of cool crystals and cool rocks and cool stones and cool rocks and cool rocks and cool mud because cave is cave. Wow, I know. So beautiful. Could totally belong on a vacation card-- hey that wouldn't be bad!

Baldy walked forward, wondering if the secret to being gay was weaved within the mossy rocky walls of this lovely place. Perhaps it was a special fate that drew him here? He was also equally worried about his crew of people, including the pus-made police, old man and apple trademark office, puppies, Baal (who left the server), and uh i honestly don't know, probably that boomer wasn't it? 

Ahead of him, a mystic looking light was shining. It looked red and shiny like the blood of my enemies, so he was naturally attracted to it. He did not run because good people do not run in caves and libraries (hey, cool!). Instead he filled his head with thoughts about nuts and the things that my class thinks of on a daily basis. Could it be treasure? Some golden balls? 69 dollars? A free house installed with ghosts and toilets? Or a pair of socks? Or could it be an orca? Or 100k free summons in Genshin? 

Eventually when he reached the source of the red light after walking for 69000 km, he noticed a small trapdoor. 

A small trapdoor... An uneasy feeling stirred in his heart, because the door had dirty symbols carved into it, and eerie music was playing in the background. 

Oh, let me just confess something. As I write this I am listening to Mean It by Lauv and Lany. I don't think it's appropriate for the occasion. 

Anyways, the music was creepy. Baldy was apprehensive, but thought he heard voices too. Might it be his friends calling for his help? In that case, should he jump down and risk his reproductive parts to help them? 

Baldy did what we all do in school compositions, which are a bunk. He plunged down the door of certain fate once more, eyes shut tight in case flying balls whacked him in the face. Eventually he reached soft ground. 

Soft ground.. He was grateful for soft landing, until he saw the sight before him. 

It was not his friends. 

It was not balls. 

It was not 69 dollars.

It was not a toilet seat. 

It was a human. 

He was dark and stormy. Dark because he was of south african heritage and had this cool  hair just like Super Idol, and also because he was acting like those emo kids, and stormy because he had lightning balls. 

Gasp. 

Could this be the legendary lightning balls man in Chapter 2?

Baldy ran up and threw himself at his feet, thanking the lightning balls man for gracing him with his own presence, but the lightning balls dude was not impressed. He said he had come for an intense combat and not peace and worship. 

Baldy was not impressed either. In fact he was disappointed. He had chanced upon his idol but didn't even get an autograph. Now he had to attack him. Life is so weird. 

Baldy tried to do some good guy reasoning and showed him the powerpoint slide he was creating which said that war is bad. Thunderbolt Genital Boy was not impressed. He told Baldy to magically summon a weapon like an anime character and wait for him to choose his own, then begin their useless combat which has no purpose.  

Lightning Balls Dude promised Baldy that he can save his friends after their quite useless fight, because anime works like that. 

Baldy readied his useless torchlight... A boring clash is about to begin. Yay. Yippee.