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It was only in his dreams did Eren see his favorite person.
It was there he could get his escape. And every single one of them that featured her, was in a field of wildflowers surrounding a lone tree on a small hill. Most of the time, he wished he never woke up if it meant seeing her time and time again. But, alas, living a life of tilling the soil to make up for the resources they consumed required waking up at a specific time of the day.
In a span of two years, the effervescent boy gained so many regrets.
As the sands trickled down the bottom of the hourglass, Eren wore Shiganshina's downfall as a cloak around his heart, emblazoning his insides with a raging inferno that would someday be his catalyst. It started when he watched a ghastly smiling Titan tear his mother's torso, the rain of her remains drizzling on his skin. He regretted having that fight as his last memory of her. He was nothing but a weak little boy with too many emotions in his body, crying out for his dead mother. His second regret came onto him only a few hours later when they docked into Rose. The very person he promised to protect slipped through his fingers. The pain and guilt ate him alive until they became nightmares and longing dreams of red tendrils drifting in the air.
No matter how hard he reached for that red-haired figure, she always blurred once he so much touched her with his fingertips.
Waking up from his deep slumbers resulted in tear tracks on his face.
"I miss her," Mikasa had murmured late into the night when the fauna was most alive, their chattering filling in the gaps of silence in their little circle.
Nobody had to say her name because they all understood who Mikasa was talking about.
The fire in the middle of them crackled with its embers.
Armin huddled more into himself, shuffling closer to the warmth. "I tried asking the soldiers again." He buried the bottom half of his half into his knees. "They answered the same thing. I don't understand. They never made an effort in finding her. Why were they so sure that she's dea—"
"She's alive," Mikasa stated, almost convincing herself. "There's no way she's not."
The blue-eyed boy stared at the girl with unshed tears. "But, Mikasa, it's been a year."
Mikasa resolutely shook her head, glimmering drops clinging to her bottom eyelashes. The red scarf on her neck was only an imitation of the summer child they all missed so much. "She's alive, Armin," Mikasa repeated, emphasizing each word from behind the red material covering her neck. The glare on her face made Armin look away.
Eren was silent in all of this. He knew that if he opened his mouth to express his sentiments, it would all be lies. He terribly wished for her to be alive but that would mean depending on false hope. Weeks and months after The Fall was spent hoping, praying, wishing for the gods to reveal that she would be waiting for them in a sea of survivors, waving with that beautiful smile she had. Now that a full year and a faulty plan to recapture Maria have passed, the hope inside his chest started dwindling until they were crackling embers. His hand accidentally brushed against a familiar hardbound book by his side while the two were staring into the flames.
