Marvel Oneshots

"Asshole cloak!"

Summary: You and Stephen Strange have a love-hate relationship. The Cloak of Levitation often acts as your mediator.

"You're such an egotistical jackass, Strange!" I shout.

"And you're an unsupportive bitch!" He yells back.

"I'm not the one walking into rooms all saint-like, expecting people to kneel or kiss my ass! 'Hello! I'm Doctor Strange, the knock off version of Gandalf the Grey Wizard and I have a shit ton of money! Now bow down!'" I mock.

"Okay, first of all- I. am. not. a. WIZARD!!! I AM A SORCERER! AND THE SORCERER SUPREME IN FACT!" He loudly argues.

"Wow! There you go again! Boasting that you're some supreme!" I shout.

"Somebody's a bit jealous!" He scoffs.

"I am not jealous of you! Don't make me come over there, Strange! Or else!" I say in a warning tone.

But of course he had to stir shit.

"Or else what?" He asks, narrowing his eyes.

"Or else I'll knock you flat on your ass with my bare fists and not even your lousy doctor knowledge could save you!" I yell.

"I'd like to see you try!" He shouts.

"Fine!"

"Fine!" He mocks.

You storm over to him, raising your fist, when all of a sudden the cloak bursts into the room.

It fans itself out, creating a wall between the two of you.

I try to get around it but it blocks me again and again until I give up.

"Haha! Nice try!" Stephen shouts.

The cloak makes him eat his words by draping itself around the sorcerer unnecessarily tightly, choking him.

"Gghh!" Stephen grunts, trying to pull the cloak from his neck.

The cloak unlatches itself, satisfied with the man's lesson.

I quietly chuckle at him, grateful for the cloak.

"What the hell?? I thought you were on my side?!" He says to the cloak.

I'm pretty sure if the cloak had eyes it would be narrowing them at this moment and saying something along the lines of;

"I ain't nobody's bitch!"

-----

A few hours later he and I are watching TV in one of the many rooms of the Sanctum.

He gets up to go to the bathroom and now is my chance.

I reach over to his Dr. Pepper (Dr... How ironic) and pour in an unnecessary amount of a quick-acting powdered laxative.

I mix it well and make sure that it doesn't look out of the ordinary. The sweet taste of the soda will mask whatever flavor there may be from it.

He comes back a minute later and sits back down, pressing play on the movie we were watching. He grabs his drink and uncaps it, holding it up to his mouth.

I scoop up a handful of popcorn, hoping that chewing it will mask my evil smile. Wouldn't want him finding out before he finishes the bottle...

Twenty minutes later, the movie continues to play.

All of a sudden I hear this low-pitched growling and gurgling sound.

It came from his stomach.

He clears his throat and uncomfortably shifts in his seat.