•◄𝐍𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐮𝐫►• 𝐒. 𝐍𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐬𝐚

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟕

'So why am I so scared?'

You slowly made your way towards your room, relief flooding through you as the door shut behind you, acting as a barrier to anything beyond. You lowered yourself onto the chair that lay by your desk, looking out the window while you drowned in your thoughts.

Taking some breaths while calming down your racing heart you questioned why you felt how you did.

You loved your family, really. But sometimes your parents could get on your nerves, and that could lead to some not very pleasant situations.

You were, for the most part, a good child. You did what was asked of you and stayed quiet. Though that wasn't the best feeling.

You always tried. You always followed what your parents asked and for that you would get praise, but things started to change once you reached a certain age.

You didn't always want to do what they wanted. You didn't always want to say what they wanted and you didn't always want to study how they wanted. You had started to rebel a bit, and that could sometimes lead to words being thrown and people getting hurt.

You didn't always mean to say what you say or do what you do, but at least you were able to apologise afterwards. Sometimes you didn't think they knew the weight of what they say to you, and although it may be petty in a way, you were still a child and it still hurt you a lot.

So when they were in meetings and you didn't have to talk to them much, you didn't mean to feel relieved, but you did. When they hugged you sometimes or even just made contact in a friendly way, you didn't mean to feel uncomfortable. When they raised their voices, even if it wasn't directed to you or anyone in the house, whether they were happy or otherwise, you didn't mean to hold your breath. When they came to your room to tell you something, good or bad, you didn't mean to jump.

But you did, and that scared you.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you saw how the sky had gone from a navy blue to an ink black in what felt like just a few minutes. 

Getting up, without having to worry about time, you went to your wardrobe and picked some pyjamas as well as some undergarments to wear. Then you picked them up and made your way to the bathroom. Trying to balance your clothes onto the sink you turned the water on and started to get ready for your shower.

Stepping into the cubicle, you welcomed the warm water as it seemed to wash away your thoughts. You stood there and felt the water run down your skin, relaxing you as you were surrounded by warmth. 

It was peaceful, the water vapour clouding the glass door of the cubicle, hiding you from the rest of the bathroom, leaving you in your peaceful state.

As you scrubbed your skin of dirt and sweat, you felt as though you were also scrubbing yourself of all the thoughts you had prior to your shower. You hummed a tune, feeling satisfied as you cleaned yourself. Stepping out of the shower you wrapped yourself in your towel, just to savour the feeling of the warmth one last time before drying yourself off and changing into your pyjamas.

You exited the bathroom feeling lighter than when you had entered and with a charming smile upon your face.

For a fleeting moment, you felt as though you were at peace and that maybe if you put in more effort, you would be able to create a better relationship between yourself and your parents.

Plugging in your earphones into your phone, you chose one of your more favoured playlists from spotify and let it play. You put your headphones in before lying down backwards on your bed, staring at the blank ceiling above you. For a small period, you were free of any stress that would have weighed you down normally.