Drowning

Fifty Three;

Today was never going to be easy. In fact, it was destined to be incredibly sad and difficult. But I hadn't imagined for it to feel this terrible.

Harry stood from his seat beside me, placing a kiss to a sniffling Marie's cheek before heading over to the platform.

"I've thought of many ways to say what I want to say." he begins. "I've considered keeping it basic; cliché. I thought that'd be easier. But actually, although a eulogy was never in my plan, and although this could never be easy, singing Bill's praises is the easiest thing to do in the world." he continues, clearing his throat as he began to read from some papers he had placed in front of him.
"Bill took me in when I was just a young boy with nowhere to go. Nobody to turn to. I had no hope for myself or my future. Bill took me under his wing and he shaped me into who, some of you, know now. I wouldn't be standing here today, without him.
I grew up without a father. Bill became just that for me; a father. From poking fun at my pre-match nerves, to bailing me out of trouble. Jail, even. He was there, always." he says, taking a slow, deep exhale as he tried to maintain his composure. My eyes, amongst many others, had started to shed tears.
"'Stop losin' sight of who you are, Haz. Don't quit fightin'," Harry says, mimicking Bill's voice with a soft smile. "He always said that to me during practise. He always made sure I had the confidence to take on an entire pride of lions. I never did, but with Bill by my side, I knew I could do anything. And the thing about that was, I wasn't just doing it for me. I was doing it for him, too. I always wanted to, and will always want to, make him proud. There were times I thought he'd never speak to me again. Times I thought I'd pushed him too far. It felt like he had my back no matter what. Like true family. Unconditional support. Unconditional love. And sure; maybe sometimes I pissed him off. I can be really, really annoying. Sometimes he could be so grumpy, that's what I loved about Bill. Grumpiest git you'll ever meet, but the biggest softie underneath it all. The best father, husband, and friend, to us all. You were a top bloke, Bill. I'll love you forever. I'm sorry that no words could do you justice, or give you the credit you deserve. Or maybe they could, but I'm just the world champion boxer, thanks to you, so what do I know? I'll be having a pint for you tonight. And I promise, I'll try to make you proud. I hope I do. I owe it all to you, Bill." Harry finishes, his chest racking as he still attempted to hold it together.

All of the guests, mid-sob, began a round of applause, including myself. Harry returned to his seat beside me, and I held him close as he broke down in my arms, beginning to cry uncontrollably.

"I love you," I whisper through my own tears.

"I miss him so much," Harry sobs, gripping tightly onto me as we hugged.

"I know, Harry." I sniffle. "I know."

One of Bill's old classmates went up next. They'd been friends since childhood, and he recounted gorgeously cringy teen memories of Bill, making everyone laugh through tears. It was the lift the room needed. But those closest to him found these moments, these memories, to be just as hard to hear. Harry's head rested against my own for the remainder of the ceremony.

Marie had spoken first. Her eulogy was shorter than Harry's as the pain was too paralysing, but it was very sweet and meaningful nonetheless; tales of first dates, their wedding, to the birth of their two children, to mundane things which now seemed so significant and memorable. She mentioned of regrets she had; of not thanking him enough for all that he did, of not laughing with him after a long day, of shouting at him for leaving the toilet seat up for the 100th time that day. The little things that felt huge now. I felt for her so strongly. I couldn't imagine the pain.

Once the ceremony had ended, Bill's nearest and dearest all made their way to his favourite pub, myself and Harry included.

"Everybody," Marie calls out, chiming a spoon against her empty wine glass. "Just as a reminder; Bill would want you all to enjoy this. So, have a drink, mingle, listen to all of his favourite songs and let's celebrate my Billy and his greatness tonight." she says tipsily, seeming lighter than earlier on today, but I knew it was just the alcohol. The room cheered in response.