Drowning

Eighteen;

Seeing his name plastered everywhere, because of that match, made my heart ache. I knew he'd be heartbroken. I knew he'd be beating himself up about it. And I knew that, because of how he was, because of how I was, he'd want to die.

Reaching out to Harry himself seemed counterproductive; it'd make him feel worse. So, I contacted Luke. He ensured that Harry was fine, but I don't know if he even checked. He wasn't aware of how Harry felt, though. But still, I took his word for it. I didn't want to seem as though I was overreacting.

I had spent that entire night awake. I couldn't think of anything other than him. Than Harry. I hated how things went between us last week. And I hated that now, when he was down, I couldn't be there for him. Because as per usual, I messed everything up. Last night was no different, either; my mind running in circles of 'if's' and 'but's'.

"Zar, I'm gonna head out for some coffee. Are you coming?" Lauren says to me, entering the living room.

"Yeah, okay." I shrug, in need of both caffeine and some fresh air.

"Are you going to change?" she asks, eyeing my current state; dirty jogging bottoms, toothpaste-stained hoodie.

"I think I might," I chuckle.

"Okay, but be quick. I'll go wait downstairs." she says.

"Okay," I nod, pulling myself up from the sofa to make my way to my bedroom.

Without thinking too much, I pulled out some random articles of clothing; black Lululemon leggings and an oversized sweatshirt in, none other than, black. I wasn't feeling colourful or fashionable and the cold autumn air made me only want to wear comfy clothing forever.

After putting on my shoes and grabbing my bag, I headed out the door to go downstairs to meet Lauren.

"Ready," I tell her, somewhat breathless from rushing.

"Finally," she sighs.

"I was quick!" I say defensively.

"Not quick enough," she retorts jokingly. I roll my eyes, and we set off.

The coffeehouses closest to us were often overpacked and slow, so, we typically chose to go Central for our coffee endeavours. Today was no different.

"Mm, the smell of fresh coffee arouses me," Lauren gushes as we entered the small, somewhat busy, cafe. 

"Same," I chuckle, eyeing up the menu. "Mm, an iced latte sounds so good right now."

"I was thinking the same. But I'm cold." Lauren pouts.

"Get a flat white, then," I say. Flat whites were Lauren's go-to.

"Hm. I'm undecided."

"Well, hurry. We're next," I say, nudging her.

Lauren quickly chose her usual order when it was our turn. I chose the iced latte, despite having freezing fingertips and a cold nose.

We sat down with our drinks, at the table by the window. We always chose to sit by the window when we could. We were nosy and liked to watch passers by.

"Spoken to Salma since the news?" Lauren asks, cupping her mug tightly.

"Nope," I sigh. "It's her dinner tonight, to announce the news to the 'rents."

"You're not going?"

"You know me better than that," I chuckle, taking a sip from the cold coffee.

"Still no word from Harry?" she asks carefully.

"No, why would I hear?" I say, a little bit too defensively.