A Mother's Word

Chapter Thirteen

Mum was downstairs early the following morning tidying up the aftermath of the party, the music was playing on the radio station and I could hear mum singing out the lyrics to one of her favourite songs. I felt a little bit brighter this morning, my pain was still immense from my cutting episode from last night, but I was somewhat grateful for the people who had come to my party and had showed their faces, although, I knew they weren't really there for me, it did however make me feel better.
I had decided I would make an effort today, it was the weekend and mum was off work, so I suggested popping into town together to buy some clothes for my new job and grab some lunch, we had asked Amy to come too, but she had started dating a man called Billy and was spending as much time with him as she possibly could. Amy knew Billy from meeting him at a local music festival through mutual friends and had also seen him on a dating site where Amy had messaged him, and he had eagerly responded, they had agreed to meet up and casually get to know each other. Billy was taller than Amy, he had long mousey brown hair which he tied in to a bun on top of his head, brown eyes, and he seemed charming. He was so respectful of Amy, he supported her decisions, valued her views and opinions and Amy was able to be herself around him. It was nice to see her happy again, she had never really been involved with the whole situation with Jenny and her family, but she had encountered the abuse because she lived with us.

The morning was good, it was the first time in months that I didn't feel the need to have to cut my thighs. I had hidden the blood stained towel underneath my bed where a collection was starting to form and had discarded the razor blade in toilet paper which was now blunt in my bedroom bin. I had previously put the towels in to the washing machine drum, but mum had seen them on several occasions in the past and had questioned the blood, I was able to pass it off that I had leaked from my period which had come earlier than expected.
She had believed me at the time.

We had decided to catch the bus from the local station in town as the cost of parking had increased, and it meant we didn't have to circle the car park for hours on end looking for a space. After the incident with mum's car tyres being punctured and flat one morning before work she had managed to get two new tyres for her car, she went to the local garage which cost her £260! She decided after that she wouldn't park outside our house anymore in case it happened again, so she had spoken to a kind lady on another street who had agreed she was able to park and leave her car outside her house and she would keep an eye on it for us, however; there was a catch, mum had to pay her £20 a week which totalled to £100 a month, an expense we didn't need, but mum felt like she had very little choice. She relied on her vehicle, so was happy to pay. I honestly think the lady had seen mum coming!
Adam had kindly left his bus pass for me and my family to use, as he was away training in South Africa and therefore the company would pay for all of his expenses including travelling, it did have his picture on the card, but the bus drivers never checked, so mum was able to use that card which enabled her to save her own pennies.

As we walked around the shopping centre, we were laughing and joking and acting silly. We had brought doughnuts off the stand, hot chocolate and sprinkles from Costa and a delicious pub lunch to fill us up.
We entered many clothes shops during our shopping spree as I was struggling to find something I liked. In every shop I had walked in to, I had walked to the size 14 clothes rail. Mum had noticed where I was looking on several occasions and had tapped me on the shoulder many times, before repeatedly making a comment that size 14 wouldn't fit me anymore, and I needed to size down. In one shop she pointed to another clothes rail and I made my way over. I tried on a size 12 that hung off my body, a size 10 that gave me no shape as it was far too big and then finally a size 8 which was still loose, but fitted my body better. Mum had noticed over the last couple of weeks that I had lost an increasing amount of weight, she had put it down to several factors such as; the stress of what was happening between our family and Jenny's, every day pressures of fitting in to society; with social media and celebrities often trying to create one image only and also that I was starting a new job very soon.